Friday, August 25, 2006

It Really Is The World Wide Web

Who knew I'd be known world wide? Certainly not me. Certainly not anyone who knows me. But apparently I've started developing some international attention. In the past few weeks I started tracking where visitors to this blog were coming from. While 95% were coming from the states (thanks for all the traffic mom!), 5% were from overseas.

In the past month I've had international visitors from:
  • Japan
  • United Kingdom
  • France
  • Phillipines
  • Australia
  • Austria
  • Canada
  • Malaysia
  • Netherlands
  • Israel
  • Czech Republic
  • Syria
  • Jordan
  • United Arab Emerates
Okay, technically speaking Canada is not overseas. I know that. But seriously, Canadian's reading my blog? No way. Totally unexpected. Had to make the list.

And just why are they coming? To read this. Amazing isn't it. It is to me. Quite surprising really. So, I started thinking... A dangerous pastime - I know! But if people from all over the globe are interested I think I'll write a few more posts about life with the big dog. I've got a whole years worth of stories from life on the road to share. Question is, what should I write about next? Here are a few potential topics I've been thinking about:
  • Celebrity Encounters
  • Traffic Court
  • Getting Arrested
  • Lost in Montauk
  • Candid Camera
  • Goodwill Hunting
  • Hotel Tips
  • Road Safety
  • Long Distance Dating
  • How to get on TV
  • Hot Dog High
  • Paul Simon's Driveway
  • 4th of July
  • Super Bowl
  • All-Star Game
  • Late Night With David Letterman
  • Miss America Pageant
  • Howdy Doody Festival
Any other ideas? Requests? Fire 'em my way. This could be a whole new direction for the blog... who knows?

So to my international fans (ha!) I say: Thanks. Merci. Dank u. ありがとう. Danke. Σας ευχαριστούμε. !ךל הדות, הדות. dekujeme Vam. terima kasih!
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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Some Assembly Required

Last week I purchased a very nice bookcase from Costco. It came in a great big box with lot's of pieces and needed to be assembled. I have put together lot's of furniture that needs assembly. Chairs, desks, small bookshelves, a kid size bed. Sometimes I have read the instructions, other times not. This time I did and it made my day.

Check out the tools required:



The instruction booklet outlines thirty steps necessary to assemble the bookshelf. A friend is required to help with ten of them. A friend is needed to help you position and hold the base upright, lift and install the right side into the base, lift and install the left side into the base, install the fixed shelf into the holes of the partition and left side panel, install the fixed shelf into the holes of the partition and right side panel, slide the apron under the left side, partition and right side, elevate the top of the unit approximately 3 1/2" off the floor and place foam under it, and of course to carefully set the unit to its upright position and move to the desired location.

The particular evening I chose to put the bookshelf together I did not have a friend handy. It was late at night and Mary and the girls were fast asleep. So I chose to go it alone. I managed okay, but could not help but think while I was assembling the bookcase that I would have had more fun had I had a friend with me.

As I finished cleaning up I read one last part of the instruction manual. It read:

"We sincerely hope that you have enjoyed assembling your bookcase and that you will make good use of it."

That sounded like something a grandpa or favorite uncle would say while giving a gentle pat on the head... "Well, that's a mighty fine looking bookshelf isn't it? As long as you took the time to assemble it you might as well make good use of it. But before you run off and play, what say we take a seat on these here rocking chairs on the front porch and enjoy a tall, cool, glass of lemonade? Ah, yup. Building a bookcase. That's a good days work. Makes you feel like you got somethin' done. Good job son."

So, thank you Plycraft Industries Incorporated. And a big thank you to the Plycraft Industries Inc. copywriter who took what could have been a very boring job of writing out instructions and instead made it fun and memorable. I will look for more of your products in the future because you put a smile on my face.

Thank you my friend. Thank you.
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"The thing about bathtubs is...

... you never want to get in the bath, but once you do you never want to get back out."

-Hannah Duff, Age 5
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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Cat Tales

We had a cat a few years ago. We called him Thomas. His full name was Thomas J. J. Duff. The "J.J." stood for "Jumpin' Jehosaphat." Mary named him. Despite a few hard nibbles on an occasional passing ankle, and bringing live (and sometimes not live) bunnies into the house, Thomas was a good cat.

One day Thomas did not come home from his daily prowl around the neighborhood. Two days went past and he still was not to be found. I cruised the streets calling out his name, called the pound and local animal shelters, let the neighbors know he was missing and left food out for him. After three days it was becoming more and more likely that he was not coming home.

I wasn't sure how to break the news to the girls. I thought it might be good to get them used to the idea that he might not return, but not say it was definite. I wanted to ease them into the realization that he was gone. So on the fourth day I said to Hannah "Have you seen Thomas around?"

I thought this was a good way to start the conversation. I did not want her to panic if I said he was lost. She responded with "No. Do you think he ran into the street, got hit by a car and died?"

I was floored.

"Um, yeah, well, that may have happened. All we know is that he hasn't come home for four days and I wanted you to know that I've looked real hard for him. I don't think he'll be coming back."

"Okay. Can we get another cat then?"

Clearly she was okay with him being gone... As long as we got a replacement.

We did not pursue getting a new cat for several months. Then a woman who worked at Mary's office sent an email note out that she had found a stray that was litter box trained. She said she did not want to keep it because they already had two cats. She dropped of "Casey" at our house on a Saturday afternoon. We had asked her to bring the cat by so that we could see how he got along with the girls. It was our intention to check this guy out thoroughly before we decided to keep him or not. The woman who brought him left our house before we really made a decision. She just kinda said "Well, he's all yours. Good luck." And then took off.

We kept Casey in the basement for a while to make sure he got acclimated to his new surroundings and we were sure he learned where the litter box was located. Slowly he began to explore the rest of the house. But Casey had a problem. He had anger management issues. His idea of exploring was to go straight to the girls bedroom and pee all over the walls. He would even leave nice brown packages for us to find.

After a month of trying everything we could... save getting a kitty psychologist involved, we took Casey to a shelter. He would not get along with the girls. Looking back on it, the woman who brought him by the house must have experienced the same thing. Though he was a gorgeous cat, he crapped all over the place. I was more upset with that woman than the cat. She had to have known.

And yet, the girls still wanted to have a cat as pet.

It took several months before Mary and I were ready to try again. This time we went to a shelter to seek out a cat of our own. In Kansas City there is a great animal shelter called Wayside Waifs. They do a tremendous job taking care of stays and neglected animals. Thomas was from a shelter and we had always said we would get our next pet from a shelter.

We took the girls to Wayside Waifs so that they could help pick out our new cat. I was thinking the girls would pick out a kitten, but when Mary pointed out these two handsome adult cats, the girls fell in love. They were Maine Coon cats. They were five years old and they were brothers. They had been in the shelter for a month and a half and no one had yet adopted them.

Mary had said she'd consider getting two cats so that they could keep each other company during the day. As our luck would have it, the day we went to the shelter was a buy one get one free day. Plus, since these guys had been there for several weeks, they were available at a reduced rate. Mary is always looking for a bargain, so we got em!

The shelter had given them the names Lance & Roy. I wanted to name them Hank & Frank. Hannah and Grace won out and they now go by the names Fluffy & Furball.

And they are the nicest cats in the world.


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Sunday, August 13, 2006

Crack Cookies

"Hi. My name is Dan. I am addicted to Lofthouse Frosted Sugar Cookies."


Yesterday I bought some cookies from the store as a treat for the girls for behaving exceptionally well while their mom was out of town. I consider it bribery after the fact. It's the least I could do, right?

When Mary came home today she saw only one cookie left. She took a bite and said "I cannot resist these cookies. They are like crack to me."

So I went back to the store and bought another batch. I ate one while one the way home. We only live four blocks from the store. I think Mary is right. If crack came in cookie form, Lofthouse would my dealer.
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Sunday, August 06, 2006

Scintillate, Scintillate Globule Vivific

Scintillate, scintillate
Globule vivific
Fain would I fathom
Thy nature specific
Loftily perched
In the ether capacious
Strongly resembling
A gem carbonaceous
Scintillate, scintillate
Globule vivific
Fain would I fathom
Thy nature specific

-Author Unknown
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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

For Jenne


Okay, so maybe it's not quite the same as going through chemo, but I too once lost all my hair - and not on purpose. I haven't shared this photo in public since they shaved my head as part of my rookie inititation to the Fordham hockey team. I was not proud of the look.

So there you go Jenne. I thought I'd share to give a smile. I look like a moog, don't I?
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Sunday, July 30, 2006

Turn, Turn, Turn... To Flickr

It appeared in the Bible first. Pete Seeger put it to music. And the Byrds made it a hit.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

I've gotten sidetracked from this blog. The last few posts have been about my artwork. While I do want you to enjoy those images, I am ready to get back to writing on the blog. As such I am going to post all future images of my paintings and illustrations over on Flickr. It's a great format for images and I'm going to use it as such. Check out the slide show... It's great.

I have posted a permanent (as if anything on the web is permanent, right?) link to my Flickr page over on the right hand side column under "Links". Appropriate, eh?

Please feel free to pass along the link to anyone who might be interested. I always welcome feedback/criticism. Thanks!

You can go straight to my Flickr page here.
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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Forbidden Alley


Colored Pencil, Marker, Airbrush. Copyright 2006 by Dan Duff.
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Forbidden Lion


Colored Pencil, Airbrush. Copyright 2006 by Dan Duff.
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Monday, July 24, 2006

Hands Of Color


Colored Pencil, Airbrush, Marker. Copyright 2006 by Dan Duff.
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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Stars & Stripes


Airbrush & Pen. Copyright 2006 by Dan Duff.
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Art Is Power


Acrylic on canvas. Copyright 2006 by Dan Duff.
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Harder Than I Thought

Okay, my idea about having you guys suggest titles for future posts is proving to be a lot harder than I thought. So far I've only really been able to deliver on one solid post - My First Arrest. I am not counting Take Your Finger Out Of There and Lost In Translation because I took the easy route with those and found a video and an image to plug in. That video still makes me crack up.

I've got the list printed out and taped next the the computer. I am keeping it there as a reminder to try to use them whenever possible. I've got to admit I have no idea right now how I will use some of them. I promise I will find a way to write a post with the headlines "There's No Dignity In Plastic" and "Fuzzy Shoulders". My muse has not spoken to me about those yet.

But since I did get a couple emails asking if the painting posted in Lost In Translation was mine and if I had others to share, I am going to talk about art for a while. And yes, that was one of my paintings. I do have prints available of some of these if you are interested. Just let me know.

So, stay tuned as we change the focus of this blog for a few days to a more cultured and sophisticated one... the art of Dan Duff. Yeah right, cultured and sophisticated? I'll let you be the judge.

Art posts coming soon. I hope you enjoy - and let me know what you think. Thanks!
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Monday, July 17, 2006

Lost In Translation


Title suggested by Steve.
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Friday, July 14, 2006

Phun With Photoshop


Mary thinks this is the scariest picture ever. I think it is hilarious.
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Friday, July 07, 2006

My First Arrest

Charlie made me do it. I was a good boy. Really. I was.

I was six and Charlie was seven. We were next door neighbors so we were, by default, friends. I have no idea where he is today. We had a fight and I bit him once. We stopped playing together and then eventually our family moved far away... ten blocks.

But before that we were friends and played together all the time. It was 1976 and I wore a yellow baseball hat, a red, white and blue wrist band, cut off jeans and a mesh tank top with the number 76 on it - all the time. I was stylin'. I have no idea what Charlie wore, though I am sure it was equally as cool. It was '76 after all. We played all the time. We played with each other and with the neighborhood kids. Our street even had it's own baseball team. We were organized by one of the older kids on the block. He and a friend from the north part of town arranged a baseball league. We lived on Maple Avenue and went by the moniker of the Maple Maulers. I can only recall one other team and they were the Forest Firemen. They lived on Forest Avenue.

We had shirts with numbers. I got one too even though I was six at the time and didn't really play. I was essentially the team mascot. Still, having a t-shirt with a number and being part of the Maulers gave me a sense of belonging. It was like we had our own gang. Nobody messes with the Maple Maulers... or their kid mascot.

Maybe it was the gang influence. Maybe it was age. Maybe it Charlie or maybe, just maybe, it was just a lack of impulse control that got me into trouble with the law.

I regret to this day that it happened. I wish I could have taken back my actions, but I cannot. I cannot take back the forward motion of my little arm that launched a wooden scrub brush at Bobby D'Andre and his bicycle. I cannot take back the fact that it hit him and made him cry. For that I feel bad.

But he was a punk. He was a seven year old punk.

The day of the incident he kept riding his bike down our street. The street that belonged to the Maulers. He taunted us. He said things that pushed our buttons. He wouldn't leave me and Charlie alone. So we plotted how to take him out. How could we let this punk know that he was on our turf. He had to learn. He had to be driven away. We were going to make an example out of him. No one messes with the Maulers. No one.

So we found a wooden scrub brush. It was probably one Charlie's dad used to keep his white walls clean. Charlie handed me the brush and told me that I should throw it at Bobby. It didn't feel right, but Charlie convinced me to do it. I thought I'd give it a try the next time he drove by. So I did. I did not really think I would hit him. I did not really think I would even come close. But I nailed him. I nailed good and hard with that brush. So hard that he started to cry immediately and raced home. There was no doubt he was going to tell his dad about this. He said so as he peddled off in tears.

So we hid. We went to our back yard and laid low. All was good until later that evening when my father got home. I do not know what was said. I do not know who he spoke with. All I know is that I was in serious trouble. Mom and Dad wore scowls. That was never good.

They told me in a very calm, yet stern manner that the Wilmette Police had called them and that I was in trouble. They had to take me to the station for an investigation into "the incident". I was mortified. The police? How could this have happened? I was only six years old! I didn't think six year olds could go to jail. What was happening to me? How could I have ruined my life so easily. My life was clearly never going to be the same. How could I get out of this? Could I blame Charlie? Was he in trouble too? Did the police call his family? I needed to talk to him immediately to get our story straight, but my parents prevented me from talking to him. There were no stops along the way. It was straight from the house to the car to the station. I was going down. Big time.

I remember the drive to the station. It was dead quiet. I remember the walk from the car to the station as dead quiet too. I swear there wasn't a cicada chirping, the wind stopped blowing and everyone, EVERYONE on the street stopped what they were doing and stared. There he goes. The foolish boy who could not control his impulses. Too bad. So young. I was a dead six year old walking.

As we walked into the station I stared at the ground. I could not bear to meet anyone eye to eye, lest that be all it took for them to pronounce me guilty and send me straight off to jail. They could do that couldn't they? Look you straight in the eye and immediately decide that your case was hopeless? They could do that couldn't they? Eyes down. Don't speak unless spoken too. Use your very best, most polite manners and no matter what do not give them an excuse to lock you away.

We sat in the hallway for an eternity before an officer finally came out from a back room and asked Dad if he could speak with me about the incident. Alone. Dad said yes. I followed the officer to his desk and he directed me to a chair to sit in. He then asked me about the incident. He knew what happened and let me know that he had already spoken with Bobby and his parents about the incident. Crud. He also told me that Charlie was there too. He was in another part of the station being interrogated about the incident by another officer. Double crud. He let me know that he had already heard Charlie's version and now wanted to hear from me what happened. So I told him.

I told him that we went to the same school as Bobby. I told him that Bobby lived on another street. I told him that Bobby was teasing us and not saying nice things to us. I told him that Bobby was bugging us.

And then he asked about throwing the scrub brush at Bobby.

"Who threw the scrub brush at Bobby?"

"I did"

"Why did you do it?"

"Charlie told me to do it."

"Did you think that was a nice thing to do?"

"No sir."

"You knew it was a bad thing, didn't you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you know you could have seriously injured Bobby?"

"No, sir. I mean, I guess so. I mean, I didn't think about that."

"What do you think the police should do about this now?"

Holy crud. This wasn't really a question. It was a set up for him to tell me what my punishment was going to be.

"I don't know, sir." I said

The rest of the interrogation was a blur. I couldn't think. Here I was about to be told that my life as I knew it was over. Should I cry? Would that get me sympathy? What about running? Maybe I could make a break for it and live life on the lam. Sure, I could do that. I had plenty of friends. I bet Stutz would figure out a way to help me. Maybe he could leave a window open and I could slip into their basement to sleep at night. No, wait... I could be found out. I'd have to keep running. The cops found out about the scrub brush incident pretty quickly. They would find out even quicker that Stutz and I were good friends. Running wasn't an option. I was going to have to take my lumps.

And then, somehow they let me go home. I was a free man. I was not going to jail. I was going home!

Wait. Mom and Dad couldn't send me to jail but they could also make my life miserable if they chose. And they did. They told me that this was not over and that I had to apologize to Bobby... with his dad there... and Charlie and I were not to play with each other any more.

Crud.

----------------------
Title for this post suggested by Jenne.
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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Take Your Finger Out Of There!


Post title suggested by Jeff Risley. I immediately thought of this video. I cannot help but laugh each and everytime I see this. Enjoy and thank Jeff or the idea!
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Now Taking Requests

Okay. Experiment time. You give me a title for a post. Any title. Just make one up, and I will write the post to go with it. Let's try to keep it clean and only three or four words to the title. Make it short and sweet and give me some room to be creative enough to make the post fit the title.

Any takers? I know there are a couple regular readers out there. C'mon, let's try it out.
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. For A Five Year Old

Mary took the girls to a Fourth of July Festival down by the village center today. While there the girls each got a balloon from a magician. Grace got a pretty flower (a daffodil she says) and Hannah got a yellow bunny rabbit (with "floppy moppy ears").

The girls took their balloon creations to the party at Uncle Bill and Aunt Terry's house later in the day. On the way to the party Hannah expressed great concern that her balloon would blow away if we had all the windows rolled down. Grace likes to control her own window on nice days and wanted hers down. We agreed that it would be better for the balloons if we went with a/c.

We made the girls leave the balloons in the car while we were at the party. I had no desire to deal with a fit of screams if someone at the party were to accidentally pop a balloon. We survived the party without a balloon incident. Grace did try to pick up a sparkler with her hands, but she's okay and will heal fine.

So it was about 10:15 PM when the fireworks had ended and we finally got the girls wrangled and buckled into their seats. Hannah requested to listen to "the monkey song" aka Another Postcard by Barenaked Ladies. Soon we were jammin.

And then we heard the squeaky twists of balloon on balloon. Hannah was playing with the bunny. Then... Pop! Quicker than you could say "don't play too hard with your balloon bunny or you will likely pop the lower torso and be only left with the floppy moppy ears" the lower torso of the bunny disappeared. Hannah was left holding a still inflated pair of floppy moppy ears. The rest of the bunny lay dangling, deflated, in shreds.

And then came the tears. It was well past bedtime so over all we thought she had held out well for the majority of the evening. We anticipated a melt down at some point. But then Grace stepped in. And what she said to her sister made our hearts get warm and fuzzy. You know, the way you feel after seeing a really good Hallmark Cards commercial?

Grace said to Hannah "That's okay sissie. I'll share my balloon with you. Part of mine popped earlier, but I'll trade with you if you want." And the tears started to dry up instantly.

"Okay...sniff, sniff... I'll trade with you. Thanks. Here you go." Said Hannah

But then upon being handed a the remnants of the bunny and realizing that she was getting just the ears Grace took back her flower and tossed back the bunny to Hannah. She said quite simply "I don't want to trade for that."

And the tears started flowing. Hannah was really upset now. How dare Grace take back her offer. A deal was a deal. And then like a mob boss who just found out that his right hand man had turned state's evidence against him, Hannah said sternly... "So this is how you treat me? Where is the respect!?!? You are not giving me respect!?!!!"

Wow. I thought this was about a balloon. Apparently Hannah and Grace have some baggage between them that I am not aware of yet.
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Happy Birthday Roddy!




Happy 41st Birthday from your little brother (on the right, in the green jacket!)
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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Why Even Bother?


Another direct mail piece that arrived today. Check out the disclaimer for matching competitor coupons. It's on the left side under the photo. You may have to click on the image to enlarge it.
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Lazy Advertising = No Deal

I've been at home sick for the past three days. I hate summer colds. But what I hate more is lazy advertising. You know, the kind of ad you see where you just think to yourself "Did they really think that was the best thing to do?" or "Man, they really didn't spend anytime thinking about that did they?".

Today I received two pieces of direct mail that caused me to pause and ask "What were they thinking?"

One was from a local Nissan dealer. We used to have a Maxima so we had taken our car there in the past. We've bought cars from their Honda dealership in the past too. We have been pleased with both the sales and service relationship at the dealership so it was not surprising to get a direct mail piece from them. We've gotten them in the past. It wasn't even surprising to see the caliber of the creative. It is what you would expect. Not good.

The second piece was from Time Warner Cable. We do not have cable. In fact Time Warner Cable is on my list of companies that if given no other choice I still would not do business with them. Long story, but let's just say that they wanted to charge us $10,000 to cut down trees so they could get a line to the house. All of our neighbors have cable and didn't have to go through that. Okay... feeling a rant coming that is going to get me off topic... so back to the ads.

So we got an ad from a car dealer and an ad from a cable company. And what message did they choose to use? They both stole/borrowed/used with creative license from the TV show Deal Or No Deal. Here are the ads for each:







I expect a car dealership to add to the messaging clutter that's out there. I even expect them to rip off their message from a game show like Deal Or No Deal. I do, for some reason even though I won't do business with them, expect more from Time Warner Cable. Maybe it's because I know they can hire a big time agency to do the work. Maybe it's because I've seen some of their communication efforts that have been of a higher quality in the past. Maybe it's because when I see a car dealership do the same thing I think that Time Warner Cable has really hit rock bottom.

Now, that's slamming Time Warner Cable a lot, but perhaps I should say a thing something about O'Neill Nissan contributing to the clutter too. C'mon guys! You can do a whole lot better. In fact if you want to really stand out do not take an idea that anyone can think of and slap your name on it. Think about your customers. You must have reams of data on us. There has to be something there that you can use to develop an insightful communication. What about your sales people? Did you talk to them? They surely have some insight you could have used. Instead you were lazy and added to the clutter.

So the message here? It does not matter what size your company is, what industry you are in, what your advertising budget is... you too can produce bad advertising. All you have to do is... not think.
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Scarred For Life

I have a scar on my head. Two actually, but only one I can see. I also have a scar on my elbow, on my left foot between my big toe and its neighbor, on my stomach, three on my shoulder, one on the middle finger of my right hand and one on my left wrist. Those are the ones that have not faded. I can still see these. Some are from surgeries. Some are from accidents.

There is a story to go with each scar. Life lessons that I am reminded of every day. Here is what I've learned from each:

Scar on middle finger of right hand: Let sleeping dogs lie. Especially if they are hung over.

Scar on left wrist: Only a licensed physician should remove a ganglion cyst. There isn't a bible big enough, nor is Gram strong enough to smash it to smithereens - though she really wanted to.

Scar on foot by big toe: Some people are inconsiderate and won't stop to help even though the damage caused was because of their actions.

Scar on elbow: recycling can be dangerous and a some politicians can be real and nice.

Scar on stomach: people who love you will make sure you are taken care of when you cannot do it yourself

Scars on shoulder: not everything can be fixed.

Scar on head: Gram, at times, has a very disturbed sense of humor.
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Saturday, June 17, 2006

Lindsey Mulligan Where Are You Now?

Tonight I was looking through some of my old notes and letters I received back in my Wienermobile days and came across one of my favorites. I never met the person who wrote it, but I imagine now that she had a personality somewhat like my eldest daughter. Here is the note she left on the windshield of the Wienermobile while Jeanne and I were eating dinner at a nearby restaurant:


When we returned to the Wienermobile and read the note we immediately packed up two wiener whistles, a watch and a hot wheels Wienermobile and left them in the mailbox for Lindsey. It was the least we could do for a fan.

I remember people asking me why we smiled all the time when we drove the big dog around. Letters like this are the reason.
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Thursday, June 15, 2006

From Normandy to Kentucky

I've been on vacation for the past two weeks. Some of the things I've done while away:
  • took three guided tours
  • visited one cemetary
  • visited one abbey
  • swam in one lake impounded (built) by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers
  • fell off a jet ski eight times (six times on purpose)
  • went fishing with my daughters (they caught six fish - three each)
  • attended a family reunion
  • spent sixteen hours in the Odyssey driving with the family
  • got sunburned twice (two different continents)
  • took four rolls of film, filled one compact flash card with photos
  • played one game of checkers
  • went swimming in both an indoor and outdoor pool
  • ate at McDonald's twice (two different continents)
  • listened to the girls watch 102 Dalmations three times; Barbie Swan Lake twice; The Worst Witch once
  • saw the world's longest tapestry
  • played sixteen holes of golf
  • walked on beaches in two different continents & found seashells at both
  • spent twenty six hours in airplanes, airports and on tarmacs
  • visited the home of Monet
  • played Trivial Pursuit
  • fixed a flat tire
  • called into the office once... officially (calling Sam's cell phone twice doesn't count does it?)
  • went to the top of the Arch in St. Louis
  • went two weeks without watching tv or reading a newspaper
  • played Sodoku and got addicted
  • read The World Is Flat by Thomas L. Friedman
  • came up with three new business opportunities, ideas for two new paintings and a video to make for the girls
  • attended a going away party for a former colleague
  • made plans to buy a kitten for the girls
  • shared a chocolate bag with Mary and Gram
  • thought up reasons to explain why I haven't posted in over three weeks and then decided to get the point across with this list
I'm sure there is more that we did, but I cannot recall all the details now. We had a wonderful time with family and friends over the past two weeks. Though it was refreshing and fun I am glad to be back at home in my own bed tonight.

Now to catch up on some sleep. Good night!
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Heaven Left Me Feeling Slimy

This past weekend was spent at a Westin Hotel in Las Vegas. Aside from getting some really great work done, the best part of the weekend was experiencing the Westin "Heavenly Bed". It was by far the best hotel bed that I have splept in. I was on board with the experience being "heavenly".

The concept of delivering a heavenly experience extended beyond the bed to other parts of the room. They had provided heavenly towels, heavenly pillows, heavenly shower curtains (which were curved to give extra room in the shower - how heavenly).

When I woke up the first morning of our stay at the hotel I felt refreshed. I did indeed have a heavenly night's sleep. I was buying into this brand experience 100%. I was "all in" as they say in Vegas.

Leaving the comfort of my heavenly bed I strolled merrily to the bathroom to take what I anticipated to be a heavenly shower. I may have even been whistling a tune. Something perky I'm sure. I turned on the water to just the right temperature - not scalding hot, but not luke warm- somewhere in between.

I stepped into the shower and put shampoo in my hair and grabbed a bar of heavenly white soap. And this is where I got mad at the Westin. What I discovered in the shower made me temporarily forget the heavenly night's sleep I just woke from. The hotel had not delivered a 360 degree heavenly experience. In fact there was just one element that I experienced that almost ruined it all for me. The water that came out of the shower head was soft. And I hate soft water.

Now, I know I shouldn't necessarily blame the hotel for the soft water. It was probably out of their control. But I did spend quite a long time in the shower trying to get the slimy soft water feeling off my body, face and hands. I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio as Howard Hughes in the Aviator. I just could not get my hands clean. I scrubbed and scrubbed them to the point where they were starting to feel raw.

Later on in the day I shared my frustration with Sam, Mike, Ky and Julie about the soft water. Julie actually prefers soft water. For her the experience very well may have been 100% heavenly. But for me and the rest of us who prefer hard water to soft, the Westin was running a risk of failing to deliver as strong a brand experience as they could.

I know this may be asking a lot of a hotel to be able to control the water, but wouldn't that be something if they asked upon check-in to the hotel "Welcome to the Westin Mr. Duff. Would you prefer hard or soft water for your stay with us?"

Now that would be delivering a heavenly experience.
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Not Quite The "Big Orange Head" But Close

A man walks into a bar with a pile of dog poop in his hand. He straddles up to the bar, turns to the man sitting next to him and says "Hey, look what I almost stepped in!"
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Sunday, May 21, 2006

A Celebration of Cake

I had delicious piece of cake today and I was reminded that I had written a post about cake back in January, but never uploaded it. Here it is... a few months later, yet still relevant I think....

This past week we celebrated my wife's birthday, were with our friends as their baby girl was baptized and attended the funeral of my brother-in-laws mother. Each event was a celebration of life.

One was a celebration of a life just beginning. One was a celebration of a life in progress. And one was a celebration of a life completed. The common link with these three celebrations? Aside from me and Mary? Cake. Cake was served at each function.

That isn't really surprising. Cake is often served at birthdays, baptisms and funerals. It got me thinking though... a serving of cake is really a symbolic way of celebrating life. We don't have cake every day, so does that mean we aren't celebrating life everyday? That seems wrong. I think we should celebrate life everyday. Life is too short to miss an opportunity to eat cake.

I've spent, oh, just about three minutes thinking of some suggestions for opportunities to serve cake and to celebrate life. There are really lots of opportunities. Here are a few:

At the Olympics. The Olympics are all about celebrating the world coming together right? And great athletic performances? Cake could be served at the medals ceremony. Two pieces of cake for each reason to celebrate.

After the Royals win a game. If they ever win again we'd all be celebrating wouldn't we? How about after they win everyone in attendance gets a piece of cake? I'd be more likely to attend and I think the players would play harder if they knew cake was on the line.

After completing taxes. No one likes the pain of filling out all that paperwork. Why not celebrate getting it done with a nice piece of cake.

There are lot's of everyday events we can celebrate and have cake:
  • When you get the car washed.
  • Getting a good report card.
  • Getting out of a speeding ticket.
  • Spring cleaning.
  • Finishing a long book.
  • Finishing a bad book.
  • Writing a book.
  • Getting hired.
  • Getting fired.
  • Giving birth to a child.
  • Not having to be the one who gives birth.
  • Finishing a post you started three months ago.
  • Not having to do laundry.
There are many opportunities to celebrate life each and every day.

I'm off to bed now to get some sleep, think about simple everyday events that I can celebrate and the next time I'm going to Costco to get one of their incredible sheet cakes.

So my point? Simple. Eat cake and celebrate life.

What are you going to celebrate?
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Sunday, May 14, 2006

Why I Love PBS

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... in no particular order here are the reasons why our family remains "cable free":

1. PBS Kids (CyberChase, Clifford, Arthur... and on and on...)
2. Frontline
3. Keeping Up Appearances
4. Antiques Roadshow
5. As Time Goes By
6. Austin City Limits
7. Independent Lens
8. Nightly Business Report
9. Monty Python's Flying Circus
10. Red Green
11. Rare Visions and Roadside Revelations
12. Nature
13. Mystery!
14. BBC World News
15. Nova
16. Charlie Rose (for his guests)
17. American Masters
18. Rick Steves
19. Ken Burns
20. American Experience
21. Globe Trekkers
22. This Old House
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Sunday, May 07, 2006

What's In A Name?

The girls have been suggesting names for the baby. Let's just say that the names they've come up with would certainly make family history.

At first Hannah wanted a baby sister she could call Patsy. This is directly influenced by a book we gave her prior to Grace's arrival on the scene. In that book a girl named Hannah was told that a she was going to be a big sister again. She decided that since she already had a little brother named Sam that this one would be a girl. She would name it Patsy. Patsy would have red hair, like chocolate swirl ice cream and her first word would be "Hannah".

So... Hannah's first choice for a girls name is Patsy. Grace on the other hand wants to name the baby Orange Juice. Orange Juice? Yes. Orange Juice.

When asked what a good name would be if we had a boy Hannah suggested Benjamin. That is the name the parents gave the baby in the book (it was a boy of course). Grace wants to name the baby Orange Juice.

Then Hannah thought it would be a good idea for mommy to have twins. Twin boys in fact. She would name them Hank and Frank. We tried to tell her that we knew there was only one baby on the way, but that did not sway her away from telling mommy that she needed to have twins. Grace didn't get the idea of twins, so no input from her on naming them.

Then today Hannah started talking about baby Benjamin again. Grace heard this and interrupted by saying "We are going to name the baby Orange Juice!"

This time Hannah took note of Grace's suggestion. I guess hearing it for the fifteenth time set her off. The dialogue that followed went something like this:

"Orange Juice? We can't name the baby Orange Juice."

"Yes we can" said Grace

"No we can't. What would happen if you asked for a glass of Orange Juice in the morning and daddy put the baby on the table instead? You can't drink a baby."

"Then we'll call the baby Milky"

"But you might ask daddy for some milky and then he'd put the baby on the table again. And you might try to drink it!"

"Then we'll call the baby Hudengakepdapoo!"

That just made Hannah and Grace break out in an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. Mary and I giggled too.
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Sunday, April 30, 2006

Helmets & Goggles

On Thursday I received a phone call from a person who we had hired. She was calling to let me know that she would not be starting on Monday. In fact she was not going to be coming to work at all. Her current employer made a counter offer and she decided that it was too good an offer/opportunity to pass up. It was a surprise to hear, not for the counter offer, but for the fact that she shared with us that one of the reasons she was looking to come to work for us was because her fiancee was here in town. She is currently in another city. It seemed to be a good fit all around.

I'm disappointed. Not for the fact that she is not coming to join us. Not for the fact that her company counter offered. I cannot blame anyone for making a decision based on facts that I do not fully understand. She has to do what she feels is best for her. You have to respect that.

I am disappointed because we had waited four weeks for her to start at our agency. I wish she had made this decision sooner and let us know so we could move on. Instead we were in limbo for four weeks and now have to start the interview process again.

Sam pointed out that it is better to have this information now before she started, than to have her make a decision a day, week or month into the job. Okay. I can see that. He's been through this far more often than I. I often wonder how an owner of a business does it. I think I have an idea.

At a former job there was a saying for the pace of work. We didn't have a lot of internal help, yet had a huge workload to tackle. The VP of Marketing told me that they way to survive was all about "helmets and goggles". Just put them on and keep on truckin'.

So, with that I am mentally putting on my helmet and goggles and getting ready to keep moving forward. Onward and upward.
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Friday, April 21, 2006

I Cheated. I Feel Shame.

I thought there was no way I would go back. I was wrong.

The relationship I had been working on over the past three and half months was the right one. I knew it. I wanted it to work out. I really did. I knew cheating was bad. Cheating meant that I was weak. I'd had a long standing affair for many years. Who was I to think that I would be able to move on?

There was no pressure from the other party to get back together. There was no reason to abandon my new relationship. Sure it was new and new sometimes wears off, but it was healthy. No doubt about that. It was healthy.

I caved on Monday. Tax day.

I've tried to justify this in my head. After all when I cheated it wasn't with the one I'd been having an affair with for the past three years. I went back to the one I knew first.

Unlike Odysseus the journey I was on was self imposed. And no one nor anything was out to stop me from going back for another taste of that sweet, sweet nectar. No Scylla. No Charybdis. The only thing preventing me from going back was my own will power.

I feel I must admit my guilt publicly and ask for forgiveness from my recent partner and my previous drinking buddy. I've cheated on you both.

So I'm sorry bottled water. I owe you an apology. You were good, still are, but I could not resist the siren call of cola.

And to you Diet Dr. Pepper. I thought my affair with you was the right thing to do. After all you were diet cola. For a while I thought that was a healthy alternative.

But my first love. My drinking partner from my youth. The beverage I loved so much that I could and would drink it warm. I have come home. I missed you Classic Coca Cola. It was good to be with you again.

But if I gain back the ten pounds I lost while living with only water I will drop you like a rock. I am that fickle.
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Bedside Book List

I'm trying a little experiment tonight. I've got a stack of books on my bedside table. I haven't thought about doing this experiment until just now, so you'll have to excuse me if this doesn't work out.

What I am going to do is to try to make a sentence out of the titles of the books on my bedside table. Now, keep in mind that I usually have a pretty big stack there all the time. The books switch in and out, but I can usually count on five or six there each day. I don't know if this will work but here goes a few attempts with the books I have here tonight:

Sentence #1:
You will Never Be Lied To Again if you First, Break All The Rules, indulge in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, learn The Five Love Languages of Children and find work at a Creative Company that has gone from Good To Great... that is The Future of Advertising. What Did I Just Say!?!?

Sentence #2:
A Creative Company that desires to establish The Future Of Advertising must not only understand the Five Love Languages of Children, but evolve from a Good To Great company that embraces the idea that you must First, Break All The Rules, limit the amount of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and never Never Be Lied To Again. What Did I Just Say!?!?

Sentence #3:
The Future of Advertising involves Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. What Did I Just Say!?!? Going from Good To Great requires that you First, Break All The Rules and learn The Five Love Languages of Children. You'll find that if you do this you will not only Never Be Lied To Again, but also discover that you work at a Creative Company.

Okay... #3 contains more than one sentence, but this is really hard to do as just one! Try it yourself. It's tough.


If you want to try this at home follow these steps:

1) Don't plan in advance. Quick - look over a the bedside table... these are the only books you are allowed to use and you must use all of them!
2) Try to use as few words as possible to link the titles together. You'll likely need to create some copy to connect the titles, otherwise it might not make sense at all and will merely be a list of books. And this is boring.
3) Try a writing the sentence a few different ways. Change the order around.
4) Link the titles to Amazon so we can check out the books in more detail.
5) Let me know if you've done this. I'd love to see what others come up with
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Grey Hair Where?

Okay... Let's get this out of the way... I have thinning hair. Okay... really thinning hair. I'm waiting for the day when I go for it and shave it down just to get rid of it. No comb overs for me.

Thinning hair is usually a good indicator that a guy is getting older. The emergence of a bald spot is definitely a key life marker. If a guy has older brothers he can pretty well watch their hairlines and gauge when his will reach the same points. Not for me though. My thin spot appeared around the same time as my eldest brother. So I was never really able to gauge when my hairline would reach certain stages.

So I cannot gauge my age by where the hairline is. I know, I should really know how old I am right? The thing is I like to keep track of things and be able to manage my own expectations. Stages of hair loss as a marker of age makes sense right? Right.

The good news is that I've found another way to gauge my age. Grey hairs.

Now it's not uncommon for guys in their twenties to get random grey hair here and there. And it's not uncommon for some guys to go prematurely grey. The key again, I think, is to keep track of what is going on with the older siblings.

I've got three older brothers so I've also got great research resources. All I have to do is to find out from them how much grey they have, when they went grey and plot it out on a calendar. An added twist to this is not to ask them how many grey hairs they have, but to find out when they first saw it on different parts of their bodies. You see, last week I found a single grey hair on my leg. I wonder when Kevin first found a grey hair on his calf?

I'll have to call each now and ask. This might be a weird conversation.
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Monday, April 10, 2006

The Montessori Redemption

Hannah goes to a great school. She really likes it. Her teacher is wonderful, the class size is just right and they have a great playground out in back. In fact, I think it's the playground she likes the best. Scratch that. I know it is the playground she likes best. And I'm talking the actual ground on which she plays, not the equipment.

Oh sure, they've got a really nice swing set, a red car and a blue car. They've also got that industrial strength play equipment that only the really nice playgrounds have. It comes in several large sections with stairs, slides, monkey bars. It's bright red, yellow and blue. Someone was nice enough to donate it to the school. It is really nice.

But what Hannah really likes is the ground on which it sits. I'm talking about the pea gravel. It's all over the place. How do I know this? Because every day she brings a pocket full of pea gravel home with her to keep in her "collection".

She's brought so much of it home over the past year that I'm beginning to think she's trying to dig a tunnel from the playground to the Sonic down the street. She loves Sonic too, though I think she's only been there once before.

I don't think she's caught on yet, but Hannah's collection doesn't seem to grow. She often brings home two pockets full of rocks, which I in turn return to the school playground each week. I feel like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption.

On the mornings when the kids are outside before school begins I find myself shuffling my feet on the ground as I head to the clipboard to sign Hannah in for the day. As I shuffle along I subtly drop the rocks in my pockets back to the ground from whence they came. My shoes may get dusty, but this is where the rocks belong.

I'm sure she'll have more collections throughout the years, I just hope whatever she takes from school for a new collection is small enough to fit in my pockets so I can return them as needed. I'd hate to have to get special pants made.
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Friday, March 31, 2006

Email Rules, er... Rules For Using Email

Smoke & Meers: Digital Hell

Sam wrote this great post on Continuous Partial Attention and some of the pitfalls of email communications. It got me thinking about email communications. I think he's on to something. Here are some office communication rules I would like to see everyone use:

1. When you have something to say to someone, go find them and have a face to face conversation.

2. Only use the phone to talk with someone when you have obstacles in your way that prevent you from having the conversation in person.

3. Never use email to start a conversation.

4. Only use email to send files.

5. If someone starts a conversation with you via email and you wish to respond, first attempt to talk to them in person (see rule #1).

6. If you have something to say to a group of people and want a dialogue with them... call a meeting.

7. Smiley faces are a poor way of communicating tone. If you think emoticons can prevent misinterpretation of your words you are in trouble. 55% of understanding what someone is saying comes from non verbal cues. 38% of understanding what someone is saying comes from tone. Only 7% of understanding what someone says is absorbed by listening to their words. In an email you cannot see body language, hear real tone or inflection or actually "listen" to what is being said.

8. Turn off the email. Put the phone off the hook and open the office door. Try it and see what happens. People who really need to talk to you will come find you. Then you can have a quality conversation because you are face to face.

9. Instant Messaging should also be avoided if possible, but is not as bad as email communications because of the real time conversation ability. Still need to be aware of misinterpretation of tone.

10. If you do use email, make sure that you have spell check set on automatic. This feature will always ask you if you want to spell check your email before it is sent. If you do not do this, and you have typo's in your communication you will come across as a) a poor speller and b) too lazy to check your communication before it heads out the door.

I'd love to hear feedback on these suggested rules. If you think this is worth talking about some more, please come find me to talk. If you'd like to get feedback from a group of people please set up a meeting for all to get together and discuss!

Thanks!
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Monday, March 27, 2006

Afraid Of The Dark

Tonight, as I was sitting at the dining room table watching The Apprentice and doing a little work on the computer, our three year old came toddling down the stairs from her bedroom. I heard her coming through the hall on her way to see me and called out to her.

"Back to bed." I said.

The pitter patter of her little footsteps came to a halt. She was still out of eyesight.

Then she called out to me in a whimper..."But daddy... I can't get to sleep because I am afraid of the dark!"

"Just close your eyes real tight. That way you won't be able to see the dark."

Then a faint "okay daddy" and little pitter patter of feet up back through the hall and up the stairs.

She's fast asleep now. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this parenting thing.
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Monday, March 20, 2006

Trumps' Chumps

I love to watch The Apprentice. Not for the Donald, but for the way it makes me and my colleagues look good.

The assignments that the Donald hands out are a daily occurrence in our field. I am in advertising. Got a new product and need to get the word out? We do that. Got an old product with declining sales? We can help there too. Need to find the sweet spot for your product? Need to design packaging? Billboard? TV spot? On site event? Web site? Email? In store display? Yup... We do all that.

Where we differ from the contestants on the show is that we actually take a very clear, concise approach to solving the problem. It starts with asking a better question. Don't just tackle the assignment, ask and debate if the assignment is the right one. Then determine if it is a communication problem. If it isn't, then advertising probably cannot help. It might be operational.

After asking the better question we then gather insight. This is where we dig for information, anything at all, that will lead to that key detail or insight that provides the vehicle for developing the big idea and messaging. But the big idea and messaging do not live alone. They go hand in hand with finding the right, relevant point where the brand and product message can engage the consumer and make meaningful resonation. It's about connecting, not just reaching.

It's about approaching a communication opportunity as media neutral. It's about being opened minded and allowing us to look at a medium and find new ways to manipulate it to break through. It's about believing there are new ways to use old mediums. It's about finding the right new mediums to connect.

I know it's not a realistic situation, but I doubt the Donald ever starts by asking the contestants to spend time assessing the real issue at hand. Somehow he and Mark Burnett pair down the list of things that they think the contestants can handle within a given time frame. More likely they think of an assignment that will present a challenge.

It makes me cringe to watch these so called cream of the crop, wheeler dealer, "gunners" sit around a table and ramble on about what they should do. It's a bunch of back and forth, time wasting babbling. Can they not find a contestant who has ever, EVER conducted a real brainstorming session? These guys and gals do not know the first thing about addressing a problem - at least that is what the show portrays.

I suppose I should give them some slack. Maybe they do challenge the assignment, maybe they do 100 MPH thinking or "Be Like Mike" brainstorming to solve the problem at hand. Maybe. But then again, maybe I should leave well enough alone. After all anyone who watches the show and sees how difficult it really is to successfully complete the assignment might just get it in their head that this is something better left to the professionals.

So I like watching The Apprentice because it makes me feel good about the business I am in. It gives me validation. It almost makes up for the frustration I get watching these contestants and their extreme lack of emotional intelligence and teamwork.

Almost.
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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Home School For Hannah

Mary got a call from Hannah's school yesterday. The director of the Montesorri program wanted to check in with us to see if Hannah was going to be attending the summer session. We had planned on her attending and had filled out the paper work already. We thought we had submitted it earlier in the week to save a spot.

When Mary told the director of our plans she said "I thought you were planning on it, but Hannah told her teacher that she wasn't going to be coming back. She said that 'Mommy is going to home school me from now on.'"

That came as a bit of a surprise to the director. It was a surprise for me too.

Apparently Hannah had it all figured out and shared her plan with her teacher. "Mommy is going to get fired from her job and I am going to get kicked out of school. That way Mommy and I will be together so she can home school me."

I think Mary and Hannah might need to find some time to talk about this.
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Painting Jason Wagener

Every artist has a thing. It's a theme, color palette, material. Some artists are well known because they were groundbreaking, controversial or prolific creators of art. Some where known while they were alive. Others became famous after their death. Regardless of fame, live or dead, canvas, film, wire or clay within all artists there is something that causes the need to create.

I often wonder what it is like when other artists have there first purposeful creative experience. What is going on in their life when they make a decision to create a work of art that has deep purposeful meaning? What is the impetus? What was their first attempt like? Did they like it? Did they keep it?

What was Van Gogh's first work of art? Was it a doodle? Was it something he did at school? Maybe paper mache? A clay cup or saucer for his mom? What was it?

What about Jackson Pollack? Rembrandt? Dali? Magritte? Di Chirico? O'Keefe? Picasso? Cezanne? Matisse or Monet? What was the material they used for their first painting? These are questions I ponder, for I know what my first canvas was. It was my back yard neighbor, Jason Wagener.

One afternoon Jason came over to play. My mom had recently hurt her back and was resting either on the couch or up in bed while Jason and I played together. We were pretty good buddies and behaved fairly well for a four and five year old, so mom didn't worry when we headed out of sight to the basement to play.

I have no idea how much time passed, but sometime during the afternoon my mom woke from her nap by Jason who appeared in front of her sniffling in a sad, scared voice "Mrs. D-d-duff.... D-d-d-dannnnny, p-p-painted m-me!"

It was true. Both Jason's arms and legs were covered in paint. And not just any paint. This was the good stuff. It was an enamel based paint we used to cover our front porch, and it was a deep forest green.

My mom quickly realized that there were two issues that needed immediate attention. Not reprimanding me for painting a playmate - that would come later. No, what mom realized was that the paint that was covering Jason needed to be removed immediately AND since the paint was on Jason and he was standing on the brand new carpeting that had just been installed on the entire first floor of the house, that he needed to be removed as well. So mom, bad back and all, picked up Jason, holding him at arm's length and rushed him to the sink so she could start scrubbing him clean.

As a parent myself I now imagine the fear that my mother had about how Jason's mom would react when she saw her green stained son. Nobody could blame even the nicest, most understanding mom for being upset that another parent let their child get covered in thick enamel porch paint.

I do not recall if I was punished or not. I only know that my family brings up the story often at family gatherings. My mom focuses on how she reacted to Jason standing covered in paint on the new carpet. My siblings however choose to focus on how that event hurt mom's back to an extent that we had to cancel a planned family trip to Hawaii.

I tend to focus on the fact that no one was seriously injured or maimed and that one day when I become a famous artist that Jason Wagner will come out of seclusion and lay claim to being the first canvas that Dan Duff ever put paint on.

I wonder what Jason's favorite color is? Mine as it turns out, is green.
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Grounded at Wrigley Field

Lately I've been listening to sports radio quite a bit. We are in the midst of spring training for Major League Baseball so it is the current hot topic. The gossip today was about Barry Bonds and a new book coming out that will apparently reveal details about his use of performance enhancing drugs. Sports Illustrated will have excerpts from the book, which of course will spur more speculation/accusations and result in sales of this book.

I am on the side that believes anyone who cheats is a cheater and anyone who breaks the law is a criminal. And anyone who does either in professional sports should not be invited into that sports hall of fame. Unfortunately I believe that cheating will continue to happen and athletes will continue to find new ways of avoiding detection.

With all the negative talk about going on today I'd like to take a moment to look at the real soul of baseball. What it is all about...

--------

One of my best friends is John Stutz. We met on our first day of first grade and became friends.

During the summer between seventh and eighth grade we spent most of our time goofing off either at the beach or going to Cubs games. We were both die hard Cub fans. Still are.

I don't remember what he did, but one day I called John to make plans to go to Wrigley to see the Cubs play only to find out that he had been grounded. Though both of his parents were out he was told not to leave the house until they got home from work. They wouldn't really know if he left the house, but trusted him to do as told. So of course we went to the game.

We figured we would keep a close eye on the clock and be able to get back to his house before either his mom or dad got home. The game started at 1:05 pm. If the game went quickly we could stay and watch the whole game. If it dragged on we agreed that we would have to leave before the end in order to get John home on time.

We called Tom Graziano to see if he wanted to go with us. He was in.

We hopped on the "L" at the end of the line in Wilmette, changed trains at the Howard stop and got to the park in plenty of time to get first row seats in the right field bleachers. We were there for batting practice.

During BP Leon Durham, aka "The Bull" cranked out a few shots into the right field bleachers. A few came close by, but not close enough that we could participate in the scramble to grab the loose balls. We settled into our seats confident that should a home run be hit our way we would be close enough to maybe snag the ball.

It was a good game. At the start of the bottom of the eighth inning the cubs were down a run. With a runner on base The Bull stepped up to the plate. We were ready. Sitting from right to left, smallest to tallest in the first row of the right field bleachers was Tom, me and John. We were ready.

On the third pitch The Bull smacked a deep drive right at us. It was going to be a home run and it was coming exactly to where we were sitting. Actually it was going straight at Tom. He stood up, got his hands in the air in anticipation of catching the ball. He had a huge smile on his face. This was his ball!

But this was a home run ball. No rules apply here. It's anyone's ball! I leaned over a bit to move Tom aside. This was going to be mine!

John was not to be outdone. He leaned over on me to move me AND Tom out of the way. But just as the ball was about to land in his hands John lost his balance and ended up tripping us all up. John reached back for the ball as he fell on me and Tom. We would up in a piled up heap on the guy sitting next to Tom, just as the ball swooshed by. We missed it!

The guy right behind us got the ball! Tom gave me grief for pushing him, I passed that on to John for shoving me but John was really upset for two reasons. First because he tripped and missed the ball. Second because he realized that we had to have been on TV as Leon Durham's home run would be on the game highlight reel.

The Cubs ended up winning. As soon as the game was over we jumped on the first train back up North. We gave each other a lot of ribbing on the way home for missing the ball. It was all good. I remember John being a little nervous about the time. We had to get back to his house asap before his folks got home.

Thankfully we all lived within a few blocks of the "L". Tom headed home while John and I cruised over to his house. We got there in plenty of time. Now it was a matter of making sure his dad did not catch the highlights. And of course as soon as he got home, John's dad sat down in the TV room to catch the game highlights. This got tricky.

As planned as soon as the game highlights came on John and I stood up in front of the TV set to block the view. I have no idea what we said or what rationale we used for standing in front of the TV. I only know that as John stood there babbling something to distract his dad, I turned and caught a glimpse of the TV screen. There we were. Three bumbling fools tripping over each other to catch the ball, only to end up missing it completely. Our fifteen minutes of fame and we couldn't even share it with our parents.

Thankfully John didn't do anything to get grounded again that summer. We went to lots of games, but never caught a home run ball. Still haven't ever caught one.

But that summer and the home run fiasco was a good time. We had a ball anyway.

I don't know if Leon Durham took performing enhancing drugs to hit more home runs or if the ball was "juiced" that year either. What I do know is that baseball is more than a game. It is more than the players. It is more than the statistics.

Whether it is a game of catch in the backyard, stickball in the street, little league or big league games, baseball is and always has been about spending time with friends. I cannot wait for opening day.
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Monday, February 27, 2006

Lookout Jimmy Chitwood, Here Comes J-Mac

I saw a news clip the other night about this basketball player from upstate New York. I told the story to Mary last night and as I was relaying it I got choked up. So did she. Click the link and watch for yourself.


Truly inspirational. And not because he is autistic. That, to me, is only part of the story. It is the way he dedicates himself to something he loves. The way the other players react to him as he gets into his first game. The way the school has embraced him. The fact that he hit six three pointers in four minutes coming off the bench. The fact that the coach thought about how the team manager would feel about getting to suit up for senior night.

It's all good.
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Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Big Idea For The Day

Every morning the girls come down from their room and snuggle in bed with mom and dad before getting the day started. It is a pretty nice way to start the day, except on the occasions when mom and dad really want to sleep in. The girls have mastered the art of making us grumpy by sticky feet in faces, elbows in backs and fighting over who gets to be in the middle.

I am not a morning person, so I tend to get pretty grumpy, pretty fast when this happens. Mary has reminded me that we should enjoy this time because soon the girls will be too big to snuggle and will be looking for ways to stay away from us. So I am learning to love that random kick in the groin. It's really a sign of love from them.

On most days we turn on the TV in the bedroom and catch PBS Kids programming. The schedule changes around every few months or so, but we can usually count on catching Dragon Tales, Arthur or Clifford before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. Lately we've been watching a lot of Clifford. This is a sweet show.

This morning I came to a realization about why I stop and watch this one with the girls. There is always a nice message that is relayed to the kids. A lot of shows have a message or moral to the story, but somehow this one hits home stronger. Perhaps it is because the creators have chosen to be up front that there is a lesson to be learned from each show. They end each show with Clifford's "Bid Idea" of the day. Other shows are not as overt. Their lessons are weaved throughout the show and are more or less situational examples without clear statements about what it is the kids should have learned about in that episode.

I did a little searching on the web and found a site for Clifford. On it was listed Clifford's "Big Ideas". They are simple, to the point and can apply to kids and adults alike. In fact, I think they have practical application in business too. So for those that I work with, please pay heed. I will try to follow Clifford's "Big Ideas" of the day. I will try to:

Be A Good Friend.
Be Kind.
Be Truthful.
Be Responsible
Believe in Yourself. (or myself as it maybe)
Have Respect.
Help Others.
Play Fair.
Share.
Work Together.

That is my big idea for the day.
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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Did You Just Yawn?

Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. What a funny word. Yawn.

Did you just yawn? One time I was driving in front of a woman who was in a pickup truck. In the reflection of my dashboard mirror I saw her yawn. I could not help but yawn myself.

It is amazing to me how a yawn can be contagious. So I got to thinking... with all this talk about viral marketing could there be anyway that a company could be the official sponsor of yawning? Think about the potential buzz that could generate.

When someone yawned there could be this message comes on from a nearby radio, television set or iPod that announces "This yawn was brought to you by the late shift at Ford Motor Company. Pass it on." I guess we'd have to all be fitted with yawn sensors though, eh?

Just a thought.
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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My Chemical Dependency

Just for giggles I thought I'd list all the chemicals/ingredients that I put on or in my body on a daily basis. These are the ones I could determine from packaging labels:

Sorbitol, water, hydrated silica, PEG-12, sodium lauryl sulfate, flavor (???), tetrasodium pyrophosphate, xanthum gum, sodium saccharin, cocamidopropyl betaine, methyl cellulose, FD&C red no. 40, pyrithione zinc, water (twice is good), sodium laureth sulfate (another two timer!), coco-betaine, dimethicone, cetyl alcohol, hydroxystearyl cetyl ether, sodium chloride, glycerin, fragrance, polyquaternium-10, carbomer, sodium methylparaben, DMDM hydantoin, cocamide MIPA, aloe barbadensis leaf juice, propylene glycol, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, ethylparaben (that's methylparaben's sister to you and me), butylparaben (methyl and ethyl's better looking sister), isobutylparaben (methyl, ethyl and butyl's vain, ego centric sister), propylparaben (their quite proper great Aunt), water (again!), alcohol denat, cyclopentasiloxane, propylene glycol, dimethicone, trisiloxane, PEG/PPG-18/18, dimethicone, calcium chloride, fragrance (again with the fragrance!).

All that and all I did so far was brush my teeth, wash my hair and put on some deodarant. Scary isn't it?
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I Am Still An Idiot

Mary started it.

"I would go on one of those extreme make over shows" she said.

"Really?"

"Heck yeah, it would be great. I would get all this work done for free. All you have to do it agree to be on TV. What woman with two kids wouldn't want to get her boobs lifted? Maybe a little work done on the thighs, you know, a little nip here and little tuck there?"

To which I said "But what would they do with your face?"

I meant it as a compliment. It came out all wrong. Very wrong.
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Thursday, February 09, 2006

What is okay?

Thought/quote for the day:

"It's okay to be optimistic, but not okay to be oblivious."
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Monday, February 06, 2006

Butterscotch

It started out as a conversation about which girl likes mint. One does. One does not.

Then Hannah, who doesn't like mint, asked for me to remind her what flavor she does like. "Butterscotch" I said. "You like butterscotch, and so do I."

And then I told her about how my dad would give me butterscotch candies as a treat. When I was young my dad would leave a butterscotch candy on the corner of my dresser. He'd make sure to leave it there before he headed to work each morning. I'd wake up and check to see if he'd been there already and usually I'd find a piece of candy waiting for me. It became our morning routine.

A butterscotch on my dresser was a way in which my dad and I bonded. It was one way in which he communicated his love.

After I told Hannah that story she suggested that it would be very nice if I started to do that with her too. So, I'm out the door right now to go to the store to buy a bag of butterscotch candies so we can start our own tradition.

I'll get a bag of mints for Gracie too.
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Friday, January 20, 2006

Jon Stewart, Jennifer Tilly & The Lincoln Tunnel

I was on the Jon Stewart Show. Not the current show. The predecessor that was on MTV. It only lasted a about a year or so, but it was still a great show. Though I think he's hilarious and love his show, Jon Stewart almost got me fired.

As part of the Hotdogging experience our job was to get media impressions for Oscar Mayer and the Wienermobile. The better the quality the better the kudos from home office. It was a contest of one-upmanship to see if you could out do the other Hotdoggers. Thankfully, Jeanne and I were on the East Coast and had made tons of great contacts throughout New England and NYC.

One time we made arrangements to do a skit with the writers of the Jon Stewart Show. They wanted to get some footage of Jon riding around NY while he drove the Wienermobile. "Sure" I said. "But I need to be sure you understand that my boss demands that we keep it clean. No dirty jokes." I was told that by all means they would comply. They just thought it would be great to have Jon drive around Manhattan behind the wheel. It would be a great media piece for us and he would have some fun too.

So we made our plans. We arrived at the studio and met Jon and some of the writers. A camera guy, Jon and the head writer hopped into the dog. Jon hopped behind the wheel. Jeanne and I gave Jon the basic tips for driving the dog before we let him take the dog for a spin.

"Watch your buns on turns. They stick out."

"Don't drive too fast. This isn't a lamborweenie."

"Drive the normal speed. Leave plenty of room between you and the car in front of you. Not too much though as you don't want to have to ketchup to traffic."

Which got pretty much the same reaction as you might expect. Lots of groans.

He was a very safe driver. He didn't do anything crazy. No scratches, bumps or dents to the big dog while he was behind the wheel. We drove around Manhattan for an hour or so getting footage of Jon behind the wheel from the inside. The writer asked if we could stop and let the camera guy out to get some footage from the outside. No problem! Just make sure you get the logo in the shot!

And then he drove to the Lincoln Tunnel. I asked what they had in mind. "oh, nothing much, it's just the Lincoln Tunnel. You know, part of New York culture. We just want a shot of Jon leaning out the window smiling and driving off. This happens to be a good spot."

Now, I am not an complete dolt. I had spent several months already as a Hotdogger by the time we met up with the folks from the Jon Stewart Show. I had heard every phallic hot dog joke out there. I could tell right away that driving into the Lincoln Tunnel would not be a good thing. So I reminded them that they agreed to keep it clean. Oh, sure... no problem. This wasn't dirty, just a nice shot.

Well, I thought about that. In the footage they had shot already Jon did not say anything suggestive at all. In fact, he was quite polite and extremely thankful for having the opportunity to drive the dog. I really enjoyed meeting him and hanging out for a few hours. I'll have to trust them I thought.

And then the show aired.

Jennifer Tilly, the bubbly, spastic, and self-deprecatingly funny, actress with the helium voice was the guest that night. She was out hitting the talk show circuit after her Oscar Nomination for Bullets Over Broadway. I wasn't able to watch the show that night as it was on at about 3 AM in limited DMA's. I think we were in Rhode Island that night and not able to watch. I called Mary back in Kansas City and asked her to tape it for me. She did.

The next morning I got a wake up phone call in my hotel room from Mary. She had taped the show. She had enough background with my job to know what was considered a good media piece that we could get credit for, and what was worthless or bad. She thought I might not want to turn this one in for credit. Too late. I had already called the video monitoring service that Oscar Mayer used to track news stories. I told them ahead of time what show we were on, what channel and what markets. They in turn would turn on their recorders, capture the piece and send it off to the Wienermobile Dept, back in Madison, Wisconsin. There, Russ Whitacre, the program director, would take a look at the piece, the viewership size and let us know if the piece was to be counted towards our total.

Thankfully Chad Gretzema, who had been part of Hotdogger VI and was now the Hotdogger Advisor, saw the piece before Russ did. I got a Tigon from Chad a few days later when he saw the piece. I think he said something like "Umm, Dan? I saw the Jon Stewart Show clip? Um... I don't think Russ will think this is good. I'll do you a favor and just not let him see it. Call me."

So what happened?

Jennifer Tilly was sitting on the couch babbling on about something or other as Jon casually mentioned that he had a dream about her. The next thing you know the screen starts getting wavy indicating a dream sequence. And there he was, sitting behind the wheel of the Wienermobile with a smile of pure delight on his face. Then putting his hands on the ten and two position of the wheel, slowly pulls away from the curb and drives straight into the darkness of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Back in the studio, Jennifer looks at Jon and says with a giggle "oh, I think you are going to get a call from the litigation department from the good folks at Oscar Mayer". Dead on. I was a dead little Hotdogger. It was fun while it lasted! Thanks for the opportunity!

Thankfully Russ never called me on that one. To this day I do not know if he ever saw the clip. There were other incidents that I was involved in with the Dog that I am certain would have overshadowed this one had he known about it. I still owe Chad a beer or two for his help.

By the way... the logo looked great in the shot.




If you are interested in the Wienermobile I've got a few other posts about that experience here, here and here. Check back from time to time as I've got more on the way.
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Just added: check out my Squidoo lens on the Wienermobile at www.squidoo.com/wienermobile
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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Girls Scouts Are Evil

Just as the new year begins and everyone and their mother is struggling to keep up with new year's resolutions to eat better and get in shape those evil little pixies start knocking on doors to deliver those cookies you ordered back in the old year.

That was the old you. You don't eat cookies anymore. You are on a new diet, or better yet, you have made a lifestyle decision to eat better (see Weight Watchers for more about lifestyle vs. dieting explained). How did this happen? How could you have possibly chosen to order these extra pounds for your hips, belly and thighs? No way! You don't do those things... anymore.

Those sweet little girls are really just relentless masters of marketing. They plan to come at the end of the year, just prior to Christmas with their little smiles and green sashes showing those little merit badges they've earned. They just need to get the one for selling cookies. Awww, how cute. To make it worse they usually employ mom or dad to stand about ten to fifteen feet behind them on the sidewalk. This might seem to be something the parents choose to do, to make sure that the girls are safe as they go door to door, but I think it's something else. I think there is a Girl Scout Marketing Manual out there that suggests using the "Distant, But Visible Parent Marketing Tactic" to guilt us into buying cookies from their kid.

How in the world could we turn them down? If you do, all they need to do is to give a soft whimper, look longingly over their shoulder at mom as if to say "I am sorry mommy. I didn't mean to disappoint you, but this very nice man says he is a diabetic and that he cannot eat cookies. Please don't beat me when we get home for disappointing you". Of course mom is oblivious to this ploy. She really thinks she is there to ensure her daughters safety and to provide moral support as she ventures out into the cruel world of cold calling.

But the tactic works. And they know it. All I need to see is a little child about to break out into a full blown cry when I inevitably end up saying "okay, okay! It's alright! I'll buy a box of Thin Mints and a box of Caramel Delights. No, just one of each, thank you. Now please don't cry here on my doorstep. I don't want the other neighbors to think I am mean."

And that was just the neighbor girl. I'd forgotten about our nieces. We have a bunch. Thankfully only one of Girl Scout age lives in town with us. Mary placed an obligatory order with her. We are her god parents after all.

And thus I end up ordering cookies prior to making my new year resolution to get into better physical shape.

Did I mention that Mary sold the most cookies in her troop one year? Yup. And she still gets guilted into buying several boxes each year. Those little scouts are marketing geniuses.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Leadership

Money does not equal leadership. Title does not equal leadership. Neither does birth order, gene pool, height, eye color, language, or shoe size.

Leadership comes from communication, vision and understanding how to work with others.

Just because an individual has a higher rank does not make them a leader. Just because they can hire and fire does not make them a leader. An individual who is a leader has the ability to lead. If people follow the vision, guidance and direction of an individual that makes them a leader.

A raise or promotion does not automatically equate to having leadership skills. Some of the greatest leaders have come from the lower rank and file amongst workers and society. They have vision. They have passion. They have empathy. They take risks because they have beliefs. They want more than money or power. They see a greater good. They stand for something.

A leader cares about others.
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Sunday, January 01, 2006

Shampoo Theory

I have a theory about shampoo. It goes like this.

You can gauge a man's maturity by the type of shampoo he uses. It's quite obvious really. Kinda like the rings on a tree. Think about it.

From birth to age ten a boy will use whatever his mother buys. In our house it was Johnson's "No More Tears" Baby Shampoo. It was, for all I can figure, the first shampoo that was ever colored yellow. It also prevented tears should it get in your eyes. Good stuff really. Had a nice smell too.

At around age ten a boy starts thinking about becoming a teenager. Pre-teen aspirations require that boys change things. It's symbolic. There is no real reason that a ten year old needs to shave, but he'll try it out anyway. There is really no reason to switch from Johnson's Baby shampoo either, except that there may be times when this boy goes on an overnight trip to say, camp or a sleep over at a friends house. He'd be caught dead if he brought "baby" shampoo. So he switches.

The shampoo that he uses next is carefully researched, considered and the topic of much internal dialogue. In the end, if he has an older brother, it will be the shampoo that the older brother is using. For me it was Finesse. Yup. Finesse. One of my dad's good friends worked at Helene Curtis, the company that made Finesse shampoo. Every Christmas we would get a gift basket filled with goodies from his company, including bottles of shampoo. So when my brother Kevin hit the age of ten and made the switch, Finesse was a readily available choice. Three years later when I hit the age it became mine too.

I don't know what boys without older brothers do to make the switch at this age. I never had to ponder it, so I don't know.

The next change in shampoo can happen anywhere, anytime within the next five years. It all depends on when your friends discover the bottle of Finesse and give you enough grief about using a "girly" shampoo that you tell your mom you must get a new kind. Something more masculine and less likely to make you the object of finger pointing in the school halls. You don't tell your mom this reasoning of course. You say something like "I need a new shampoo that will be better for my hair. This stuff that we have in the house now doesn't cut it anymore" or something like that.

A few of my friends were using Pert so of course I asked my mom to get some for me. Pert was a safe choice at the time, but if you really wanted to be on the cutting edge you would try the bold combo of shampoo plus conditioner, aka "Pert Plus". Within a month I made that switch too. Now looking back on this I realize that the name Pert sounds and awful lot like "perk" which might make you think of coffee percolating, but all it really makes me think about is Katie Couric. She's "perky". Pert is what I used until I was a Junior in High School. Then I made the switch to Suave.

Suave was cool. Suave was, well, suave. And suave is what I wanted to be. I wanted girls to notice me, and so, giving into the marketing machine of Unilever I believed that if I used a product that had a desirable adjective to teenage boys as it's name then, by some method of transfusion, teleportation or osmosis this product I rubbed on my head would magically transform me into a real Casanova. I would be a teenage ladies man without the Courvoisier. And this naturally is what occurred. To me anyway. To everyone else I was still that quiet geeky kid who wore yellow Chuck Taylor's, argyle socks, white pants, CSN concert t-shirt and flannel shirt. It was like Billy Squier, Eddy Vedder and Ferris Bueller got together and had a love child. I don't have any clue how that might work, but my point isn't about the reproduction capabilities of a couple teen idols. At that time in my life I was at the intersection of Preppie and Grunge, and there was a six car pile up in the middle of the street. It wasn't pretty. I have pictures. But I digress.

So Suave was the shampoo of choice for me all the way through college. Sometime after college the hair started thinning and a few flakes began appearing. And as the commercial says "you never have a second chance to make a first impression" so tried Head & Shoulders. Since then I've tried all flavors of Head & Shoulders shampoos. I've tried Dry Scalp, Itchy Scalp, Oily Hair, Half and Half, Half Calf Decalf and even some versions with actual tar include. What's that about? Is the tar supposed to glue the hair on my head so it doesn't fall out? It's craziness.

Thankfully the flaky scalp was a phase. I am now at a point in my life where I buy whatever is on sale. And if I run out and I am using the right shower I simply grab some of the kids shampoo. It's all good, plus I am a cheapskate. I must be in my thirties.

I will know that I have reached senior citizen age when my choice of shampoo automatically switches to something nasty smelling like Psorigel. If that happens I might just shave my head.
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