Arresting Politics?

A few posts back I took suggestions for titles that I would then write a story to fit. Jenne suggested "My First Arrest". Since I wrote that post I've recalled a few incidents with various police departments during my stint as a Hotdogger that, while not ending in actual arrests, came close a few times. One of those incidents took place in Boston, Massachusetts on Tuesday November 8, 1994. It was Election Day and we were out for media coverage.

We had not planned out how to get coverage for the Wienermobile prior to that day, but being the adventurous types we decided to skip putting a real plan in place and instead headed into the heart of Beantown to see what we could do to get some good press. We almost got a doozy of a story. Almost.

Now, for those who have been to Boston on Election Day and have driven a commercial vehicle shaped like a hot dog there are a few things you surely know:

1. If you drive on Storrow Drive be sure to let some air out of the tires, and
2. Police who work the streets near Faneuil Hall on election day don't have a sense of humor, nor do they care to debate what actually constitutes a commercial vs. non commercial vehicle.

Right. So, what happened was this... Jeanne and I had a few hours to kill before we needed to hit the road and head to an event in Detroit. We decided to take a quick jaunt into downtown Boston to see if we could get interviewed or at least get a photo of the big dog in the paper. Boston media outlets have large circulations, so we'd rack up the impressions if we got a mention somewhere.

We drove around town for a while looking for crowds gathering or camera crews out on the street filming. We finally found some near Faneuil Hall. As we got close we scouted for a location to pull over and park, a nearly impossible task for a hot dog car in Boston. We saw a street right next to Faneuil Hall that looked perfect.

It was a two block stretch of road on the South side of Faneuil Hall. It was a one way street which happened to have a sign that said "Commercial Vehicles Only". We didn't have commercial tags and we really wanted to go down this street since there were tons of folks marching around, holding signs and shouting out for their candidate. Surely there would be some cameras around. And since we lived by the creed "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" we decided commercial tags or not that we'd take a quick spin down the street. It was only two blocks long after all.

As soon as we pulled on to the street, we ran into an issue. Ahead of us was an ambulance stopped in the middle of the street. We hadn't seen that. With nowhere to go I put the car in park until we had space to move. Taking advantage of our lack of movement, Jeanne grabbed a bunch of wiener whistles and hopped out of the dog to hand them out.

Since I was the driver on this day I stayed behind the wheel, ready to roll at a moments notice. People on the street began flocking to the driver's side window and asking me for whistles. After just a few minutes we had a huge crowd around us. I looked outside the passenger side window and saw Jeanne asking someone if she could carry their candidate sign for a photo op. Things were looking promising. But when I looked back to the driver's side window I saw a cop.

And he was angry.
He told me to move it.

The conversation went like this:

COP: "Move this vehicle now."

DD: "Okay, I'll just exit to the left down that side street then."

COP: "No. Pull over to the right."

Before I could do that the ambulance began to back up. I couldn't move while the ambulance was moving, there was a van behind me and no where to go. So I just sat there waiting for room to move. Apparently oblivious to the fact that I had zero options to move right then, the police officer got angry again. He must have thought I was not moving just to bug him. You could see the blood pressure building.

COP: "I said move."

DD" "Officer, I cannot move. There's no place..."

COP: "That's enough! Pull over!"

DD" "I understand, but the ambulance is right in front of me. I cannot move."

COP: "Drive around it and park on the left." he said through clenched teeth.

At that time Jeanne had seen what was happening and opened the Wienermobile's gull wing door to get in. (The gull wing door is one of the unique features of the big dog, much like the door on a Delorean, or even more so like the wing of a seagull, the door opens up and down vs. out and to the side like a normal car - a distinction which will be important to know in a bit).

COP: "I told you to move!"

DD: "I will, I will. My partner just opened the door and..." he didn't let me finish.

COP: "MOVE NOW!"

DD: "But I can't. The door is still open and she's not in yet!"

COP: "I've had it. MOVE NOW!"

Jeanne had just closed the door and quickly took a seat.

Jeanne: "Dude! What's going on?"

DD: "Hang on, gotta move. This guy is having a bad day and taking it out on me right now."

I should mention that all this time a crowd has been gathering and watching this go down. Some of the crowd ignored the cop and shouted at us through the passenger window to toss out some wiener whistles. Jeanne obliged as we slowly pulled around the ambulance and pulled over to where the police officer pointed.

COP: "Show me your license and registration!"

DD: "Am I getting a ticket?"

No answer.
I handed over the requested info.
People were still asking for whistles. Apparently the police officer did not want this so he slid my window shut. (The front windows on the '88's slid open to the side.)

I did not like him shutting the window on me so I slid it back open. Before he could turn back to his car to look up my info he came back to the driver's side window and told me I needed a permit. Jeanne piped up from the front passenger seat.

Jeanne: "Excuse me sir. What type of permit do we need, and for what? Who do we need to speak with to get one?" She said it very sweetly.

This time he did not respond. He simply shut my window again on both of us this time.

When he returned he had a citation for me.

COP: "I need your signature here."

DD: "Can you explain this to me before I sign it?"

He ignored my question which in turn caused me to start to get really irritated with him. I was slightly irritated before, but now I was really irritated.

DD: "Well then can I at least get your supervisor's name?"

No answer, just a glare.

DD: "Can I get your name and badge number please?"

COP: "It's on the citation!"

DD: "And your Supervisor name is?"

And that seemed to finally push him over the edge.

COP: "I'M GONNA ARREST YOU! GET OUT!"

DD to Jeanne: "Jeanne! Grab the Bacon's guide and start calling the media. I'm getting arrested!" This was going to be great. Who could arrest a Wienermobile driver? We'd get tons of sympathy coverage!

I hopped out of the front seat and made my way to the door. As I opened the door and looked around I saw the huge crowd gathered around. The cop was there. He stepped toward me. Steam was coming out of his ears.

So I extended my wrists to him for him to slap the cuffs on me. A few laughs came from the crowd. He was silent and then, through clenched teeth sputtered out "leave now". I wasn't going to be arrested after all. He was letting me go. "Oh well", I thought, "That probably wouldn't have gone over too well with Russ anyway".

So as the cop gave up on arresting me I too gave up on the idea that getting arrested in a Wienermobile would be a good media story. I turned away from the cop and the crowd and reached back with one hand to grab the handle of the door and pull it down shut. And then I heard two sounds:

"Thunk!" and "Ooooooh!"

Something had prevented the door from closing.

The "Thunk!" came from the door slamming down on the cop's head. For some reason he had not moved out of the way of the door as I pulled it shut. The "ooooh!" was from the crowd. Turning slowly I met the cop face to face and his was as red as a beet. Veins were bulging from his neck. He did not say a word. He merely pointed at me to get back into the vehicle and drive away.

And I did.

I did not get arrested. We did not get any media coverage. That was the good news. The bad news was that we were now behind schedule for leaving for Detroit, and that meant taking a shortcut through Canada. As it turns out that was another bad decision... one that Russ would hear about.

Arresting Politics?

Squidoo Lens Rising!

Good news! Lot's of folks are visiting my Squidoo Lens on the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, which means I'm getting closer to my goal of being in the top 100 lenses on Squidoo. Currently my Wienermobile Lens is ranked #847 out of 43,937 total lenses. Soon I'll be up there with Rachael Ray and Elmo TMX.

We'll have a cookout at our place when it gets into the top 100! All I can say is... franks a lot!

Actually you all know I can say a lot more hot dog puns, but frankly I think you'd find them hard to stomach. Find that hard to swallow? Chew on this for a bit... I haven't even told you my wurst puns yet. See how I link them together... that's a sign of a good punster. And you know what they say about great puns when they are told? It's a rare medium done well. Okay, well that's enough for now. Ketchup with ya later.

Squidoo Lens Rising!

Do You Squidoo?

Seth Godin is at it again. He's started something new. Something called Squidoo. Here's a brief description from the site itself:

"We have built a new online platform and community that makes it easy for anyone to build a single page--called a lens--on a topic, idea, product or cause he is passionate about. These lenses in turn help finders get unique, human perspectives instead of computer-selected and often irrelevant search results. Not only can Lensmasters spread their ideas, get recognized for their knowledge, and send more traffic to their Web sites and blogs—they could also earn royalties..."

Well, that was all I needed to read...spread my ideas, get recognized for my knowledge and send more traffic to my blog. Oh, and earn royalties?!?!? I'm in!

It took about an hour and a half to build my lens and get it up and running. All without a clue as to how to write HTML or anything like it. And just what lens did I create? What do I dare to think I'm an expert on? The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile of course. Okay, I may not have all the info on the big dog, but I did drive it for a year, visit well over a thousand grocery stores, hospitals and schools. Not to mention handing out all those wiener whistles, going to the SuperBowl, All-Star game, getting on the Today Show and getting quoted in every major newspaper in the country. There's also the time it was towed, driving without a heater in Buffalo in the dead of winter, hanging with Little Oscar and that little run in with the Canadian government we don't talk about... enough experience for me to feel comfy saying I have a bit more knowledge than the average bear on the subject.

So, check it out: www.squidoo.com/wienermobile.

There you can find links to all things Wienermobile related. Photo sets on Flickr, recent posts on blogs from technorati, auction items on ebay, books and movies about the dog at amazon.com as well as a whole list of links I've supplied to various sites on the web with info on the vehicle, it's history and how to become a Hotdogger.

Now that I've got an official site on the subject I think Mary just might let me take the boxes and boxes of Wienermobilia I've collected out of the office closet and put it up around the house. You'd think she'd be open to it. After all, if it wasn't for the Wienermobile and my Hotdogger-in-crime Jeanne, Mary and I would have never met.

Oh and while your there please leave a comment or ask a question. I'll be updating the lens all the time. And please share the link to my lens with everyone you know. My goal is to get in the top 100 of lenses. Right now I'm lens #4,765 out of 37,000+ lenses.

Thanks!

Do You Squidoo?

Lindsey Mulligan Where Are You Now?

Tonight I was looking through some of my old notes and letters I received back in my Wienermobile days and came across one of my favorites. I never met the person who wrote it, but I imagine now that she had a personality somewhat like my eldest daughter. Here is the note she left on the windshield of the Wienermobile while Jeanne and I were eating dinner at a nearby restaurant:


When we returned to the Wienermobile and read the note we immediately packed up two wiener whistles, a watch and a hot wheels Wienermobile and left them in the mailbox for Lindsey. It was the least we could do for a fan.

I remember people asking me why we smiled all the time when we drove the big dog around. Letters like this are the reason.

Lindsey Mulligan Where Are You Now?

Jon Stewart, Jennifer Tilly & The Lincoln Tunnel

I was on the Jon Stewart Show. Not the current show. The predecessor that was on MTV. It only lasted a about a year or so, but it was still a great show. Though I think he's hilarious and love his show, Jon Stewart almost got me fired.

As part of the Hotdogging experience our job was to get media impressions for Oscar Mayer and the Wienermobile. The better the quality the better the kudos from home office. It was a contest of one-upmanship to see if you could out do the other Hotdoggers. Thankfully, Jeanne and I were on the East Coast and had made tons of great contacts throughout New England and NYC.

One time we made arrangements to do a skit with the writers of the Jon Stewart Show. They wanted to get some footage of Jon riding around NY while he drove the Wienermobile. "Sure" I said. "But I need to be sure you understand that my boss demands that we keep it clean. No dirty jokes." I was told that by all means they would comply. They just thought it would be great to have Jon drive around Manhattan behind the wheel. It would be a great media piece for us and he would have some fun too.

So we made our plans. We arrived at the studio and met Jon and some of the writers. A camera guy, Jon and the head writer hopped into the dog. Jon hopped behind the wheel. Jeanne and I gave Jon the basic tips for driving the dog before we let him take the dog for a spin.

"Watch your buns on turns. They stick out."

"Don't drive too fast. This isn't a lamborweenie."

"Drive the normal speed. Leave plenty of room between you and the car in front of you. Not too much though as you don't want to have to ketchup to traffic."

Which got pretty much the same reaction as you might expect. Lots of groans.

He was a very safe driver. He didn't do anything crazy. No scratches, bumps or dents to the big dog while he was behind the wheel. We drove around Manhattan for an hour or so getting footage of Jon behind the wheel from the inside. The writer asked if we could stop and let the camera guy out to get some footage from the outside. No problem! Just make sure you get the logo in the shot!

And then he drove to the Lincoln Tunnel. I asked what they had in mind. "oh, nothing much, it's just the Lincoln Tunnel. You know, part of New York culture. We just want a shot of Jon leaning out the window smiling and driving off. This happens to be a good spot."

Now, I am not an complete dolt. I had spent several months already as a Hotdogger by the time we met up with the folks from the Jon Stewart Show. I had heard every phallic hot dog joke out there. I could tell right away that driving into the Lincoln Tunnel would not be a good thing. So I reminded them that they agreed to keep it clean. Oh, sure... no problem. This wasn't dirty, just a nice shot.

Well, I thought about that. In the footage they had shot already Jon did not say anything suggestive at all. In fact, he was quite polite and extremely thankful for having the opportunity to drive the dog. I really enjoyed meeting him and hanging out for a few hours. I'll have to trust them I thought.

And then the show aired.

Jennifer Tilly, the bubbly, spastic, and self-deprecatingly funny, actress with the helium voice was the guest that night. She was out hitting the talk show circuit after her Oscar Nomination for Bullets Over Broadway. I wasn't able to watch the show that night as it was on at about 3 AM in limited DMA's. I think we were in Rhode Island that night and not able to watch. I called Mary back in Kansas City and asked her to tape it for me. She did.

The next morning I got a wake up phone call in my hotel room from Mary. She had taped the show. She had enough background with my job to know what was considered a good media piece that we could get credit for, and what was worthless or bad. She thought I might not want to turn this one in for credit. Too late. I had already called the video monitoring service that Oscar Mayer used to track news stories. I told them ahead of time what show we were on, what channel and what markets. They in turn would turn on their recorders, capture the piece and send it off to the Wienermobile Dept, back in Madison, Wisconsin. There, Russ Whitacre, the program director, would take a look at the piece, the viewership size and let us know if the piece was to be counted towards our total.

Thankfully Chad Gretzema, who had been part of Hotdogger VI and was now the Hotdogger Advisor, saw the piece before Russ did. I got a Tigon from Chad a few days later when he saw the piece. I think he said something like "Umm, Dan? I saw the Jon Stewart Show clip? Um... I don't think Russ will think this is good. I'll do you a favor and just not let him see it. Call me."

So what happened?

Jennifer Tilly was sitting on the couch babbling on about something or other as Jon casually mentioned that he had a dream about her. The next thing you know the screen starts getting wavy indicating a dream sequence. And there he was, sitting behind the wheel of the Wienermobile with a smile of pure delight on his face. Then putting his hands on the ten and two position of the wheel, slowly pulls away from the curb and drives straight into the darkness of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Back in the studio, Jennifer looks at Jon and says with a giggle "oh, I think you are going to get a call from the litigation department from the good folks at Oscar Mayer". Dead on. I was a dead little Hotdogger. It was fun while it lasted! Thanks for the opportunity!

Thankfully Russ never called me on that one. To this day I do not know if he ever saw the clip. There were other incidents that I was involved in with the Dog that I am certain would have overshadowed this one had he known about it. I still owe Chad a beer or two for his help.

By the way... the logo looked great in the shot.




If you are interested in the Wienermobile I've got a few other posts about that experience here, here and here. Check back from time to time as I've got more on the way.
-----------
Just added: check out my Squidoo lens on the Wienermobile at www.squidoo.com/wienermobile

Jon Stewart, Jennifer Tilly & The Lincoln Tunnel

Sell More Meat

Guy Kawasaki calls it “making mantra". It is a guideline for employees to do their jobs. It is a company’s North Star, Greenwich Meantime, or simply put a guiding principle. It is a short phrase that sums up all that the company is about. It is a three-word abbreviation of a mission statement. Examples? Here are a few company mantra's that Guy shares in his book Art of the Start:

Authentic Athletic Performance (Nike)
Fun Family Entertainment (Disney)
Think (IBM)

But what about a mantra for an advertising or marketing agency that provides a service for clients? Can an agency adopt a client mantra? Not if they want their own identity. Can they make their own? I think so. I call it "Selling More Meat"”. What is it? It is a singular focus that should drive all the decisions you make for your client. And clients want one thing -– to make more money by selling more of their goods or services.

It is simple. It is to the point. It is the one thing you must always follow to ensure you are staying on track. It is the way in which you are trying to make money. For an agency it is what you do to make money for your client, their shareholders and employees. If you do it right you will also make money.

It is a lesson that I have carried with me from my early days with Oscar Mayer.

Life as a Hotdogger begins with an intense week of training & education on all things meat related at Oscar Mayer'’s Corporate Headquarters in Madison, Wisconsin. All new Hotdoggers attend this training period, affectionately known as "Hot Dog High"”.

The week is spent learning everything you need to know to be a successful Hotdogger. Driving skills, vehicle maintenance, media relations, store calls, how to write an effective press release, working with sales team, travel guidelines, proper dress, etc., are all covered at Hot Dog High. There is even a tour of the production facility so that the new recruits can say with conviction "“I'’ve seen how they make hot dogs, and it really is a very clean process. I love hot dogs!" Which is actually quite true for me. Only Oscar Mayer for my family!

At one of the last meetings we attended that week, Russ Whitacre, the Director of the Wienermobile program, was wrapping up all that we had learned that week and was getting us ready to hit the road. Before he handed over the keys he asked the group why a car in the shape of a hot dog existed? What was its purpose? Was he getting existential on us? Not really. He just needed to make sure that before twelve kids hit the road for a year, without ANY direct, day to day supervision, that he was sure he had instilled in us the information we needed to be successful ambassadors for the department, company and brand.

A few of the answers he got included "“To bring miles of smiles to children of all ages", "To reconnect a generation of kids that missed out on the Wienermobile while it was off the road for all those years"” or "To get positive media coverage for the brand". All of these were correct to a degree, but they did not touch on the fundamental issue of why a hot dog car?

I answered, "To sell more meat." That was it. No matter how much fun we might have going to Super Bowls, getting an article placed in the Wall Street Journal or applying some guerilla tactics to get on the Today Show, our job was ultimately created to help sell more meat. It does not exist solely to get media impressions. Nor just to make kids smile. The single reason the Wienermobile exists is to help sell more meat. When it can no longer help sell more meat it will be taken off the road.

Don't get me wrong. I love to see it driving down the road. It makes me smile every time I even think about what it was like to drive around. But if I am in charge of the marketing budget or even just there to make recommendations, I need to take a hard look at where it is being spent and cut out programs that are not as effective as others in accomplishing the single issue that the company needs the marketing department to help deliver through the tools to which it has access and influence.

So if you are an agency and a client, marketing partner or coworker suggests something for the brand or company that seems off track, unusual or a waste of effort - just as yourself one question. "Will this help sell more ________?"” It should. If it does not then you are not properly using the funds you have at your disposal and it is up to you to tell your client as much as stewards of their money.

Now that you'’ve got that, don't forget the second part critical part to consider. Will this just move units or will it actually help your client be profitable. If the idea has merit and will help sell more meat that is good. If it sells more meat and costs too much that is bad. Not too complicated.

What is the fundamental question you ask when making decisions about your brand or company marketing efforts?

Sell More Meat

What's Your Filter?

Some people just don’t get it. Everyone thinks they do, so how do you filter them out? I mean, really? Do you want to waste your time with someone who just doesn’t get “it”? I don’t.

So I developed a filter to weed out the people I don’t need to spend time talking to, working with, playing with or just plain hanging out with. I developed this filter when I put together my first resume. I’ve since streamlined it, but it’s still essentially the same – maybe even more to the point now.

When I interviewed for the job with Oscar Mayer I decided not to hold back. Ever since the Wienermobile Program was revived back in 1988 thousands of graduating college students have applied for the coveted job of Hotdogger. When I, and eleven other prospective Hotdoggers, arrived in Madison, Wisconsin for the final round of interviews at the corporate office we were told over a thousand people had applied that year. Only twelve were going to get the call. I wanted to be one of the twelve and nothing would stop me.

So, I went all out. I laid it on the line. As Horton the Elephant often repeated “ I said what I meant and I meant what I said”. What I said was this:

“Let’s be frank, I would relish the opportunity to become an Oscar Mayer Hotdogger, travel the U.S.A, meet new people, have fun and get paid for it.”

Pretty straight forward? You bet. And it worked. That honest, upfront approach, along with a hearty does of puns helped me land the coveted job of a Hotdogger for Oscar Mayer. It was a blast. I traveled all over the country, met tons of great people (including my lovely bride), had fun and got paid for it.

From that point on I decided that this would be my career objective: To have fun and get paid for it.

It is a philosophy that has worked well for me. After all who really wants to have a career objective as boring as this one:

“To find employment with a forward looking company, which offers a transitional flexibility while facilitating development of relative matrix approaches, compatible management paradigm shifts and is ready to use third-generation programming to offer synchronised incremental processing for their clients.”

How could anyone actually be happy waking up each day to do that? Okay, so I made that up, but haven’t you read an objective on a resume that sounded similar? One that was chalk full of all sorts of marketing/management gobbledygook?

You may think that my objective is useless because it doesn’t get specific to my desired job role or function. You may think it lacks a focus. It may even be an incomplete sentence, but you know what? It works for me.

It works for me as a filter. With “To have fun and get paid for it” I am instantly able to filter out the companies or individuals that I do not want to work with or for. They don’t get it. They either don’t call me in or they ask me to resubmit my resume with a new, clearer objective that they understand – which I won’t do. They don’t get it.

The people who do get it, generally respond by saying “right on”, “exactly” or “man I wish I had that on my resume” or “I like that, can we set up a time so we can talk about that? I like your approach. You’ve kept it simple and to the point and I want to find out what “fun” means to you”. Now we’re talking!

It is a philosophy that I take to my clients. Keep it simple. What do you REALLY want or need? If you keep it simple you can achieve it. It’s all about managing expectations by drilling down to the simple human truth that guides your decision. What do you want to do and why?

What's Your Filter?