Lookout Jimmy Chitwood, Here Comes J-Mac

I saw a news clip the other night about this basketball player from upstate New York. I told the story to Mary last night and as I was relaying it I got choked up. So did she. Click the link and watch for yourself.


Truly inspirational. And not because he is autistic. That, to me, is only part of the story. It is the way he dedicates himself to something he loves. The way the other players react to him as he gets into his first game. The way the school has embraced him. The fact that he hit six three pointers in four minutes coming off the bench. The fact that the coach thought about how the team manager would feel about getting to suit up for senior night.

It's all good.

Lookout Jimmy Chitwood, Here Comes J-Mac

My Big Idea For The Day

Every morning the girls come down from their room and snuggle in bed with mom and dad before getting the day started. It is a pretty nice way to start the day, except on the occasions when mom and dad really want to sleep in. The girls have mastered the art of making us grumpy by sticky feet in faces, elbows in backs and fighting over who gets to be in the middle.

I am not a morning person, so I tend to get pretty grumpy, pretty fast when this happens. Mary has reminded me that we should enjoy this time because soon the girls will be too big to snuggle and will be looking for ways to stay away from us. So I am learning to love that random kick in the groin. It's really a sign of love from them.

On most days we turn on the TV in the bedroom and catch PBS Kids programming. The schedule changes around every few months or so, but we can usually count on catching Dragon Tales, Arthur or Clifford before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. Lately we've been watching a lot of Clifford. This is a sweet show.

This morning I came to a realization about why I stop and watch this one with the girls. There is always a nice message that is relayed to the kids. A lot of shows have a message or moral to the story, but somehow this one hits home stronger. Perhaps it is because the creators have chosen to be up front that there is a lesson to be learned from each show. They end each show with Clifford's "Bid Idea" of the day. Other shows are not as overt. Their lessons are weaved throughout the show and are more or less situational examples without clear statements about what it is the kids should have learned about in that episode.

I did a little searching on the web and found a site for Clifford. On it was listed Clifford's "Big Ideas". They are simple, to the point and can apply to kids and adults alike. In fact, I think they have practical application in business too. So for those that I work with, please pay heed. I will try to follow Clifford's "Big Ideas" of the day. I will try to:

Be A Good Friend.
Be Kind.
Be Truthful.
Be Responsible
Believe in Yourself. (or myself as it maybe)
Have Respect.
Help Others.
Play Fair.
Share.
Work Together.

That is my big idea for the day.

My Big Idea For The Day

Did You Just Yawn?

Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. What a funny word. Yawn.

Did you just yawn? One time I was driving in front of a woman who was in a pickup truck. In the reflection of my dashboard mirror I saw her yawn. I could not help but yawn myself.

It is amazing to me how a yawn can be contagious. So I got to thinking... with all this talk about viral marketing could there be anyway that a company could be the official sponsor of yawning? Think about the potential buzz that could generate.

When someone yawned there could be this message comes on from a nearby radio, television set or iPod that announces "This yawn was brought to you by the late shift at Ford Motor Company. Pass it on." I guess we'd have to all be fitted with yawn sensors though, eh?

Just a thought.

Did You Just Yawn?

My Chemical Dependency

Just for giggles I thought I'd list all the chemicals/ingredients that I put on or in my body on a daily basis. These are the ones I could determine from packaging labels:

Sorbitol, water, hydrated silica, PEG-12, sodium lauryl sulfate, flavor (???), tetrasodium pyrophosphate, xanthum gum, sodium saccharin, cocamidopropyl betaine, methyl cellulose, FD&C red no. 40, pyrithione zinc, water (twice is good), sodium laureth sulfate (another two timer!), coco-betaine, dimethicone, cetyl alcohol, hydroxystearyl cetyl ether, sodium chloride, glycerin, fragrance, polyquaternium-10, carbomer, sodium methylparaben, DMDM hydantoin, cocamide MIPA, aloe barbadensis leaf juice, propylene glycol, phenoxyethanol, methylparaben, ethylparaben (that's methylparaben's sister to you and me), butylparaben (methyl and ethyl's better looking sister), isobutylparaben (methyl, ethyl and butyl's vain, ego centric sister), propylparaben (their quite proper great Aunt), water (again!), alcohol denat, cyclopentasiloxane, propylene glycol, dimethicone, trisiloxane, PEG/PPG-18/18, dimethicone, calcium chloride, fragrance (again with the fragrance!).

All that and all I did so far was brush my teeth, wash my hair and put on some deodarant. Scary isn't it?

My Chemical Dependency

I Am Still An Idiot

Mary started it.

"I would go on one of those extreme make over shows" she said.

"Really?"

"Heck yeah, it would be great. I would get all this work done for free. All you have to do it agree to be on TV. What woman with two kids wouldn't want to get her boobs lifted? Maybe a little work done on the thighs, you know, a little nip here and little tuck there?"

To which I said "But what would they do with your face?"

I meant it as a compliment. It came out all wrong. Very wrong.

I Am Still An Idiot

What is okay?

Thought/quote for the day:

"It's okay to be optimistic, but not okay to be oblivious."

What is okay?

Butterscotch

It started out as a conversation about which girl likes mint. One does. One does not.

Then Hannah, who doesn't like mint, asked for me to remind her what flavor she does like. "Butterscotch" I said. "You like butterscotch, and so do I."

And then I told her about how my dad would give me butterscotch candies as a treat. When I was young my dad would leave a butterscotch candy on the corner of my dresser. He'd make sure to leave it there before he headed to work each morning. I'd wake up and check to see if he'd been there already and usually I'd find a piece of candy waiting for me. It became our morning routine.

A butterscotch on my dresser was a way in which my dad and I bonded. It was one way in which he communicated his love.

After I told Hannah that story she suggested that it would be very nice if I started to do that with her too. So, I'm out the door right now to go to the store to buy a bag of butterscotch candies so we can start our own tradition.

I'll get a bag of mints for Gracie too.

Butterscotch

Jon Stewart, Jennifer Tilly & The Lincoln Tunnel

I was on the Jon Stewart Show. Not the current show. The predecessor that was on MTV. It only lasted a about a year or so, but it was still a great show. Though I think he's hilarious and love his show, Jon Stewart almost got me fired.

As part of the Hotdogging experience our job was to get media impressions for Oscar Mayer and the Wienermobile. The better the quality the better the kudos from home office. It was a contest of one-upmanship to see if you could out do the other Hotdoggers. Thankfully, Jeanne and I were on the East Coast and had made tons of great contacts throughout New England and NYC.

One time we made arrangements to do a skit with the writers of the Jon Stewart Show. They wanted to get some footage of Jon riding around NY while he drove the Wienermobile. "Sure" I said. "But I need to be sure you understand that my boss demands that we keep it clean. No dirty jokes." I was told that by all means they would comply. They just thought it would be great to have Jon drive around Manhattan behind the wheel. It would be a great media piece for us and he would have some fun too.

So we made our plans. We arrived at the studio and met Jon and some of the writers. A camera guy, Jon and the head writer hopped into the dog. Jon hopped behind the wheel. Jeanne and I gave Jon the basic tips for driving the dog before we let him take the dog for a spin.

"Watch your buns on turns. They stick out."

"Don't drive too fast. This isn't a lamborweenie."

"Drive the normal speed. Leave plenty of room between you and the car in front of you. Not too much though as you don't want to have to ketchup to traffic."

Which got pretty much the same reaction as you might expect. Lots of groans.

He was a very safe driver. He didn't do anything crazy. No scratches, bumps or dents to the big dog while he was behind the wheel. We drove around Manhattan for an hour or so getting footage of Jon behind the wheel from the inside. The writer asked if we could stop and let the camera guy out to get some footage from the outside. No problem! Just make sure you get the logo in the shot!

And then he drove to the Lincoln Tunnel. I asked what they had in mind. "oh, nothing much, it's just the Lincoln Tunnel. You know, part of New York culture. We just want a shot of Jon leaning out the window smiling and driving off. This happens to be a good spot."

Now, I am not an complete dolt. I had spent several months already as a Hotdogger by the time we met up with the folks from the Jon Stewart Show. I had heard every phallic hot dog joke out there. I could tell right away that driving into the Lincoln Tunnel would not be a good thing. So I reminded them that they agreed to keep it clean. Oh, sure... no problem. This wasn't dirty, just a nice shot.

Well, I thought about that. In the footage they had shot already Jon did not say anything suggestive at all. In fact, he was quite polite and extremely thankful for having the opportunity to drive the dog. I really enjoyed meeting him and hanging out for a few hours. I'll have to trust them I thought.

And then the show aired.

Jennifer Tilly, the bubbly, spastic, and self-deprecatingly funny, actress with the helium voice was the guest that night. She was out hitting the talk show circuit after her Oscar Nomination for Bullets Over Broadway. I wasn't able to watch the show that night as it was on at about 3 AM in limited DMA's. I think we were in Rhode Island that night and not able to watch. I called Mary back in Kansas City and asked her to tape it for me. She did.

The next morning I got a wake up phone call in my hotel room from Mary. She had taped the show. She had enough background with my job to know what was considered a good media piece that we could get credit for, and what was worthless or bad. She thought I might not want to turn this one in for credit. Too late. I had already called the video monitoring service that Oscar Mayer used to track news stories. I told them ahead of time what show we were on, what channel and what markets. They in turn would turn on their recorders, capture the piece and send it off to the Wienermobile Dept, back in Madison, Wisconsin. There, Russ Whitacre, the program director, would take a look at the piece, the viewership size and let us know if the piece was to be counted towards our total.

Thankfully Chad Gretzema, who had been part of Hotdogger VI and was now the Hotdogger Advisor, saw the piece before Russ did. I got a Tigon from Chad a few days later when he saw the piece. I think he said something like "Umm, Dan? I saw the Jon Stewart Show clip? Um... I don't think Russ will think this is good. I'll do you a favor and just not let him see it. Call me."

So what happened?

Jennifer Tilly was sitting on the couch babbling on about something or other as Jon casually mentioned that he had a dream about her. The next thing you know the screen starts getting wavy indicating a dream sequence. And there he was, sitting behind the wheel of the Wienermobile with a smile of pure delight on his face. Then putting his hands on the ten and two position of the wheel, slowly pulls away from the curb and drives straight into the darkness of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Back in the studio, Jennifer looks at Jon and says with a giggle "oh, I think you are going to get a call from the litigation department from the good folks at Oscar Mayer". Dead on. I was a dead little Hotdogger. It was fun while it lasted! Thanks for the opportunity!

Thankfully Russ never called me on that one. To this day I do not know if he ever saw the clip. There were other incidents that I was involved in with the Dog that I am certain would have overshadowed this one had he known about it. I still owe Chad a beer or two for his help.

By the way... the logo looked great in the shot.




If you are interested in the Wienermobile I've got a few other posts about that experience here, here and here. Check back from time to time as I've got more on the way.
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Just added: check out my Squidoo lens on the Wienermobile at www.squidoo.com/wienermobile

Jon Stewart, Jennifer Tilly & The Lincoln Tunnel

Girls Scouts Are Evil

Just as the new year begins and everyone and their mother is struggling to keep up with new year's resolutions to eat better and get in shape those evil little pixies start knocking on doors to deliver those cookies you ordered back in the old year.

That was the old you. You don't eat cookies anymore. You are on a new diet, or better yet, you have made a lifestyle decision to eat better (see Weight Watchers for more about lifestyle vs. dieting explained). How did this happen? How could you have possibly chosen to order these extra pounds for your hips, belly and thighs? No way! You don't do those things... anymore.

Those sweet little girls are really just relentless masters of marketing. They plan to come at the end of the year, just prior to Christmas with their little smiles and green sashes showing those little merit badges they've earned. They just need to get the one for selling cookies. Awww, how cute. To make it worse they usually employ mom or dad to stand about ten to fifteen feet behind them on the sidewalk. This might seem to be something the parents choose to do, to make sure that the girls are safe as they go door to door, but I think it's something else. I think there is a Girl Scout Marketing Manual out there that suggests using the "Distant, But Visible Parent Marketing Tactic" to guilt us into buying cookies from their kid.

How in the world could we turn them down? If you do, all they need to do is to give a soft whimper, look longingly over their shoulder at mom as if to say "I am sorry mommy. I didn't mean to disappoint you, but this very nice man says he is a diabetic and that he cannot eat cookies. Please don't beat me when we get home for disappointing you". Of course mom is oblivious to this ploy. She really thinks she is there to ensure her daughters safety and to provide moral support as she ventures out into the cruel world of cold calling.

But the tactic works. And they know it. All I need to see is a little child about to break out into a full blown cry when I inevitably end up saying "okay, okay! It's alright! I'll buy a box of Thin Mints and a box of Caramel Delights. No, just one of each, thank you. Now please don't cry here on my doorstep. I don't want the other neighbors to think I am mean."

And that was just the neighbor girl. I'd forgotten about our nieces. We have a bunch. Thankfully only one of Girl Scout age lives in town with us. Mary placed an obligatory order with her. We are her god parents after all.

And thus I end up ordering cookies prior to making my new year resolution to get into better physical shape.

Did I mention that Mary sold the most cookies in her troop one year? Yup. And she still gets guilted into buying several boxes each year. Those little scouts are marketing geniuses.

Girls Scouts Are Evil

Leadership

Money does not equal leadership. Title does not equal leadership. Neither does birth order, gene pool, height, eye color, language, or shoe size.

Leadership comes from communication, vision and understanding how to work with others.

Just because an individual has a higher rank does not make them a leader. Just because they can hire and fire does not make them a leader. An individual who is a leader has the ability to lead. If people follow the vision, guidance and direction of an individual that makes them a leader.

A raise or promotion does not automatically equate to having leadership skills. Some of the greatest leaders have come from the lower rank and file amongst workers and society. They have vision. They have passion. They have empathy. They take risks because they have beliefs. They want more than money or power. They see a greater good. They stand for something.

A leader cares about others.

Leadership

Shampoo Theory

I have a theory about shampoo. It goes like this.

You can gauge a man's maturity by the type of shampoo he uses. It's quite obvious really. Kinda like the rings on a tree. Think about it.

From birth to age ten a boy will use whatever his mother buys. In our house it was Johnson's "No More Tears" Baby Shampoo. It was, for all I can figure, the first shampoo that was ever colored yellow. It also prevented tears should it get in your eyes. Good stuff really. Had a nice smell too.

At around age ten a boy starts thinking about becoming a teenager. Pre-teen aspirations require that boys change things. It's symbolic. There is no real reason that a ten year old needs to shave, but he'll try it out anyway. There is really no reason to switch from Johnson's Baby shampoo either, except that there may be times when this boy goes on an overnight trip to say, camp or a sleep over at a friends house. He'd be caught dead if he brought "baby" shampoo. So he switches.

The shampoo that he uses next is carefully researched, considered and the topic of much internal dialogue. In the end, if he has an older brother, it will be the shampoo that the older brother is using. For me it was Finesse. Yup. Finesse. One of my dad's good friends worked at Helene Curtis, the company that made Finesse shampoo. Every Christmas we would get a gift basket filled with goodies from his company, including bottles of shampoo. So when my brother Kevin hit the age of ten and made the switch, Finesse was a readily available choice. Three years later when I hit the age it became mine too.

I don't know what boys without older brothers do to make the switch at this age. I never had to ponder it, so I don't know.

The next change in shampoo can happen anywhere, anytime within the next five years. It all depends on when your friends discover the bottle of Finesse and give you enough grief about using a "girly" shampoo that you tell your mom you must get a new kind. Something more masculine and less likely to make you the object of finger pointing in the school halls. You don't tell your mom this reasoning of course. You say something like "I need a new shampoo that will be better for my hair. This stuff that we have in the house now doesn't cut it anymore" or something like that.

A few of my friends were using Pert so of course I asked my mom to get some for me. Pert was a safe choice at the time, but if you really wanted to be on the cutting edge you would try the bold combo of shampoo plus conditioner, aka "Pert Plus". Within a month I made that switch too. Now looking back on this I realize that the name Pert sounds and awful lot like "perk" which might make you think of coffee percolating, but all it really makes me think about is Katie Couric. She's "perky". Pert is what I used until I was a Junior in High School. Then I made the switch to Suave.

Suave was cool. Suave was, well, suave. And suave is what I wanted to be. I wanted girls to notice me, and so, giving into the marketing machine of Unilever I believed that if I used a product that had a desirable adjective to teenage boys as it's name then, by some method of transfusion, teleportation or osmosis this product I rubbed on my head would magically transform me into a real Casanova. I would be a teenage ladies man without the Courvoisier. And this naturally is what occurred. To me anyway. To everyone else I was still that quiet geeky kid who wore yellow Chuck Taylor's, argyle socks, white pants, CSN concert t-shirt and flannel shirt. It was like Billy Squier, Eddy Vedder and Ferris Bueller got together and had a love child. I don't have any clue how that might work, but my point isn't about the reproduction capabilities of a couple teen idols. At that time in my life I was at the intersection of Preppie and Grunge, and there was a six car pile up in the middle of the street. It wasn't pretty. I have pictures. But I digress.

So Suave was the shampoo of choice for me all the way through college. Sometime after college the hair started thinning and a few flakes began appearing. And as the commercial says "you never have a second chance to make a first impression" so tried Head & Shoulders. Since then I've tried all flavors of Head & Shoulders shampoos. I've tried Dry Scalp, Itchy Scalp, Oily Hair, Half and Half, Half Calf Decalf and even some versions with actual tar include. What's that about? Is the tar supposed to glue the hair on my head so it doesn't fall out? It's craziness.

Thankfully the flaky scalp was a phase. I am now at a point in my life where I buy whatever is on sale. And if I run out and I am using the right shower I simply grab some of the kids shampoo. It's all good, plus I am a cheapskate. I must be in my thirties.

I will know that I have reached senior citizen age when my choice of shampoo automatically switches to something nasty smelling like Psorigel. If that happens I might just shave my head.

Shampoo Theory

Managing Expectations

"Ohmm....Ohmmmm....cheeseburger...cheeseburger...ohmmmm..." Such was the mantra of one Arnold Jackson of Different Strokes TV show fame.

I often think about what I have as my personal mantra. My wife would say it is "manage expectations". I think that is just about it.

Two events occurred recently which caused me to rethink and clarify my mantra. One was when a friend started a blog which he has titled Managing Expectations and the other was a conversation with my wife about career choices. What does it really mean to manage expectations? When does it come into play? What limits come with it? What does it not do?

My thoughts... ohmmm.... ohmmm.... manage expectations.... ohmm..... ohmmmm.... manage expectations...

There are two ways to manage expectations:

1. Internally (your own expectations) and
2. Externally (the expectations of those with whom you interact)

In both situations managing expectations should always be accompanied by planning a response should the expectation managed come back different than foreseen.

For internal expectation management it is important to be make sure that you understand that managing your own expectations does not mean you should accept less than you deserve, need or want. It is a matter of being a realist. Being a realist allows you to think through scenarios without putting all eggs in one basket hoping for the best. It lessens the disappointment you might feel when expectations are not met.

For external expectation management with clients, friends, family, kids, etc.. it is about helping others see the reality of a situation. If you do this there are three possible scenarios that may result:

1. The result is what you expected. Your client is happy because they got what they expected.
2. The result is better than expected. Your client is thrilled with you because you came through with more.
3. The result is less than expected. Your client is not happy. But thankfully you've got a plan of attack to address the less then desirable result. It is now time to take action on whatever those options are that you have had time to consider.

To see how this works at home or with family just insert "kids", "wife", "in-laws", etc... in place of "clients" in the above list. And remember that as the artist Meatloaf once said..."two out of three ain't bad." Speaking of Meatloaf... he's the king of managing expectations. Here's the line from that song:

And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad

Talk about managing expectations!

Managing expectations properly prepares you for a less than desirable response. The key word here being "desire". It affords you a point of view that allows you to prepare a response in advance should you find out that what you asked for, need or want has not been delivered.

Should your expectations be exceeded the time you spent thinking or planning a counter response to a less than desirable result should not be considered wasted time and effort. It is preparation that is necessary in order to respond appropriately and swiftly to a situation that you wish to change.

So here are some expectations for you as you read my blog. I will:

1. Try to make at least one new entry a week. Possibly more given time and opportunity, but expect at least one per week.
2. I will mix up the subjects based on what is going on in my life.
3. I will try to make a point with each post when I can. Sometimes I will have no point at all, just an idea, thought or information to pass along.
4. I will take requests!

Hopefully I have managed your expectations well. Thanks!

Managing Expectations

Ron Santo - This Old Cub

For Christmas my brother Rod gave me a copy of the DVD This Old Cub about the life and career of former Chicago Cub Ron Santo.

As a life long Cub Fan I am aware of how great Ron Santo was as a third baseman. For those unfamiliar here is the entry on Ron Santo from Wikipedia:

Ronald Edward Santo (born 25 February 1940 in Seattle, Washington) is a former third baseman in Major League Baseball who played almost his entire career with the Chicago Cubs. He was named a National League All-Star 9 times in his 15 seasons of play from 1960 to 1974, and won consecutive 5 Gold Glove awards for fielding excellence from 1964 to 1968.

Santo made his debut for the Cubs on 26 June, 1960. He played with the team until 1973, then finished his career with the cross-town Chicago White Sox in 1974. During his 14-season run with the Cubs, Santo hit 337 home runs; he was the first third baseman to hit over 300 home runs and win five Gold Gloves, a feat since matched by only Mike Schmidt, a hall-of-fame player with a lifetime batting average 10 points below Santo's .277, in an era noted for weaker pitching.

During his playing career, he carefully concealed the fact that he had Type 1 diabetes. He feared that had this information come out, he would be forced into retirement. He was diagnosed with this disease at the age of 18, and was given a life expectancy of 25 years. Santo has had both his legs amputated below the knee as a result of his diabetes; the right in 2001 and the left in 2002. Today, he is a Cubs broadcaster on WGN radio with play-by-play announcer Pat Hughes. He has also worked with Harry Caray, Thom Brennaman, Wayne Larrivee, and Bob Brenly.

Santo has been endorsing the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's annual Ron Santo Walk to Cure Diabetes in Chicago since 1974, and has raised over $50 million for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF). In 2002, Santo was named the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's "Person of the Year."

On September 28, 2003, Santo's #10 was retired by the Cubs organization, making him the third player so honored behind his teammates Ernie Banks (#14) and Billy Williams (#26). His life and career were explored in the 2004 documentary film This Old Cub, directed by his son Jeff.

In 2005 he came within eight votes of election to the Baseball Hall of Fame by the Veteran's Committee. Bill James, arguably baseball's most respected statistical guru, feels Santo's elevation to the hall of fame is long overdue.

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What impresses me about Ron Santo is not found in his baseball statistics. It is his heart. Here is a man who had to live with Juvenile Diabetes in an era when glucose meters did not exist, was told that he had a life expectancy of 25 years, and eventually lost both of his legs. And yet he did not/does not let this disease control him. Instead he has chosen how he wants to face life. Because of this approach to life and his continued fundraising support of JDRF, Ron Santo has earned the respect of many people, including this Cub fan.

Ron Santo is a great example of the power of positive attitude. I recommend this video to anyone who wants to see a life lived gracefully.

Ron Santo - This Old Cub

Sell More Meat

Guy Kawasaki calls it “making mantra". It is a guideline for employees to do their jobs. It is a company’s North Star, Greenwich Meantime, or simply put a guiding principle. It is a short phrase that sums up all that the company is about. It is a three-word abbreviation of a mission statement. Examples? Here are a few company mantra's that Guy shares in his book Art of the Start:

Authentic Athletic Performance (Nike)
Fun Family Entertainment (Disney)
Think (IBM)

But what about a mantra for an advertising or marketing agency that provides a service for clients? Can an agency adopt a client mantra? Not if they want their own identity. Can they make their own? I think so. I call it "Selling More Meat"”. What is it? It is a singular focus that should drive all the decisions you make for your client. And clients want one thing -– to make more money by selling more of their goods or services.

It is simple. It is to the point. It is the one thing you must always follow to ensure you are staying on track. It is the way in which you are trying to make money. For an agency it is what you do to make money for your client, their shareholders and employees. If you do it right you will also make money.

It is a lesson that I have carried with me from my early days with Oscar Mayer.

Life as a Hotdogger begins with an intense week of training & education on all things meat related at Oscar Mayer'’s Corporate Headquarters in Madison, Wisconsin. All new Hotdoggers attend this training period, affectionately known as "Hot Dog High"”.

The week is spent learning everything you need to know to be a successful Hotdogger. Driving skills, vehicle maintenance, media relations, store calls, how to write an effective press release, working with sales team, travel guidelines, proper dress, etc., are all covered at Hot Dog High. There is even a tour of the production facility so that the new recruits can say with conviction "“I'’ve seen how they make hot dogs, and it really is a very clean process. I love hot dogs!" Which is actually quite true for me. Only Oscar Mayer for my family!

At one of the last meetings we attended that week, Russ Whitacre, the Director of the Wienermobile program, was wrapping up all that we had learned that week and was getting us ready to hit the road. Before he handed over the keys he asked the group why a car in the shape of a hot dog existed? What was its purpose? Was he getting existential on us? Not really. He just needed to make sure that before twelve kids hit the road for a year, without ANY direct, day to day supervision, that he was sure he had instilled in us the information we needed to be successful ambassadors for the department, company and brand.

A few of the answers he got included "“To bring miles of smiles to children of all ages", "To reconnect a generation of kids that missed out on the Wienermobile while it was off the road for all those years"” or "To get positive media coverage for the brand". All of these were correct to a degree, but they did not touch on the fundamental issue of why a hot dog car?

I answered, "To sell more meat." That was it. No matter how much fun we might have going to Super Bowls, getting an article placed in the Wall Street Journal or applying some guerilla tactics to get on the Today Show, our job was ultimately created to help sell more meat. It does not exist solely to get media impressions. Nor just to make kids smile. The single reason the Wienermobile exists is to help sell more meat. When it can no longer help sell more meat it will be taken off the road.

Don't get me wrong. I love to see it driving down the road. It makes me smile every time I even think about what it was like to drive around. But if I am in charge of the marketing budget or even just there to make recommendations, I need to take a hard look at where it is being spent and cut out programs that are not as effective as others in accomplishing the single issue that the company needs the marketing department to help deliver through the tools to which it has access and influence.

So if you are an agency and a client, marketing partner or coworker suggests something for the brand or company that seems off track, unusual or a waste of effort - just as yourself one question. "Will this help sell more ________?"” It should. If it does not then you are not properly using the funds you have at your disposal and it is up to you to tell your client as much as stewards of their money.

Now that you'’ve got that, don't forget the second part critical part to consider. Will this just move units or will it actually help your client be profitable. If the idea has merit and will help sell more meat that is good. If it sells more meat and costs too much that is bad. Not too complicated.

What is the fundamental question you ask when making decisions about your brand or company marketing efforts?

Sell More Meat

Rookie Marriage Mistake

Mary and I had been newlyweds for about six months when I made my rookie marriage mistake. I think everyone has one. You know, the thing you might have done or said to your new spouse that almost ends the marriage right off the bat.

Mine was bad. Real bad. So bad that I shouldn't repeat it. But I will even though it made Mary really mad and took a long time for our marriage to recover from it. The fact is I always thought it was funny. Mary won't admit it but I think that looking back on it now, she'd even admit it was hysterical. Okay, maybe not so much "hysterical", as much as "now that you've started, you've got to tell the whole story".

One night about six months into our marriage Mary and I went out for drinks with our good friend Brian. One of his good friends was in town visiting. Her name was Rita. We'd heard of Rita before, but had not met her yet. They weren't dating, but were still very good friends. The whole platonic thing going on, etc... Brian also invited a guy he worked with and his fiancee. I think his name was Derek - but I don't remember. There are some things about that night I've blocked out.

We met up with Brian, Rita and the other couple at the Beaumont Club in Kansas City. Now, this isn't the type of place I would normally go to, but Brian likes country music as does Mary so I had no say in the matter. It's a big club with dance floor in the center and tables and chairs set up around the perimeter. On the south end of the dance floor there used to be a electric bull pit. I haven't been back there since the incident so I don't know if it is still there. There was no bull riding this particular night. Instead we sat on bar stools around a high top table off to the side of the dance floor so we could chat, listen to music and watch the cowboys and cowgirls from Overland Park get their giddy-up on with some line dancing.

We'd had a beer or two when the subject turned to marriage. It is inevitable that you will talk about being newlyweds, your wedding ceremony or anything remotely matrimonial related when you are: 1. Newly married 2. In the company of an engaged couple or 3. Looking for something to talk about when you have met a new couple and you don't know anything about them except that they know your friend - and did I mention that you are newly married?

As it happens we met all three components that night and so of course began talking wedding stuff.

When Mary was in medical school she had a classmate who, while being very smart, really very nice and a good friend was also a bit of a male chauvinist. He was married (still is actually) to a woman who Mary would describe as "you know, that girl who was the cheerleader in college? The gorgeous girl with natural, long, bleach blonde hair, a great body and super sweet... basically every guys dream and every other woman's nightmare". To top it off she waited on her husband hand and foot. They had a 1950's marriage arrangement, but she also worked outside the home as a dental hygenist. He was studying to be an Orthopedic surgeon.

So Mary begins to tell Brian, Rita and the engaged couple about what this guy said to his fiancee before they got married. The med school classmates were out drinking one night when he shared a conversation that he had with his fiancee. He was complaining about how once girls get married they all "cut their hair and get fat". He told his wife that he didn't want her to do that. He expected her to stay the same and never change.

Mary was stunned and more than a little bothered at this comment. What a thing to say to your fiancee! Mary continued "So of course I am appalled that this guy, who is really a very good friend is such a chauvinist pig. He was unbelievable. I cannot believe that he was such a Neanderthal." It really made her mad. But then she added with a giggle "so what do you think I did while I was on my honeymoon? I got my haircut!"

I should have kept quite. But I couldn't. I should have kept my mouth shut, but after Mary finished I immediately jumped in and said... are you ready?

"And then she got fat!"

I was kidding of course. I thought it would be funny to add "and then she got fat!" because that was the second thing that Mary's classmate had warned his fiancee against doing. I let out a laugh. That was a good one. The timing was perfect. I didn't miss a beat with my delivery. I killed!

But no one else was laughing. Mary shot me an icy stare. Brian looked at me as if to say "Oh no you didn't just say that, did you really???" and the engaged couple just looked at Mary in stunned silence. Rita took a drink.

It continued to sink in with Mary how mad she was. The longer I looked at her and said "C'mon! That was a joke. It was meant to be funny!" the angrier she got. And the angrier she got the more shocked the engaged couple became. The more shocked the engaged couple became the more Brian tried to diffuse the situation, which in turn made Mary angrier because she was now the focal point that we were trying to shift away from, which made the engaged couple more uncomfortable. All of which just made me start laughing even harder!

I've said it before... I'm an idiot. But this was pure hilarity to me because Mary is not fat and never got fat. She only cut her hair and it was a really cute haircut at that! After a few minutes it calmed down and everyone agreed that I was an idiot with no sense of boundaries. Mary needed a break from my presence, so she excused herself to go to the ladies room. It was a wise maneuver. When she came back she was much calmer, even managing to brush it off with a chuckle and said with a sneer/smirk in my direction "I married an idiot."

And then it got even worse.

For some reason the country bar/dance hall had a strolling balloon artist on hand. Why? I have no idea, but it nearly contributed to me getting served divorce papers. This "artist" came by our table and asked if anyone of the guys would like to buy a nice balloon animal for one of the ladies. Derek said "sure" and the balloon guy made a cute little poodle for his fiancee. Rita didn't want a balloon animal so Brian asked him to make a cute balloon flower for her. And then it was my turn.

All I said was "can you make her a hat?" I thought a cute little bonnet might put a smile on Mary's face. She of course looked over at me as if to say "what are you doing? A hat? Oh, you are gonna get it!" She was shooting me cold daggers again from her eyes. The thought of it now still give me shivers.

At that request and maybe feeding off of the reaction Mary was giving me, the balloon artist put away the balloons he had been working with and pulled out some other balloons from a secret stash in his coat pocket. These were much longer and much bigger than the other balloons. As he built it the group got quiet. Mary started looking angry again, which made the engaged couple nervous, which made Brian try to diffuse the situation, which made Rita take a drink and of course made me start to laugh. And then he put it on her head and I burst out into tears because I was laughing so hard at the site of Mary and her new hat!

It was a six foot tall, red and pink phallic symbol. And Mary was now wearing it as a hat!

I promise I had no idea that this was the type of hat she was going to get. All I said was "can you make her a hat". Mary was so angry with me. "So Derek gets his fiancee a nice balloon poodle, Rita gets a flower and I get a six foot penis hat? You are a dead man!"

I don't remember much else of the rest of the evening. It was pretty much a mess after the hat incident. I think I slept on the couch that night.

Thankfully we made it through my rookie mistake, the first year of marriage and even the seven year itch. Poor Mary, it looks like she is stuck with her idiot for good.

Rookie Marriage Mistake

We Should Tell The Priest

Prior to moving to our new parish we had been members of St. Agnes Church. It is a very small, but beautiful church. If you arrive late you most likely will have to spend mass back in the vestibule with all the other late comers. Seats in the main part of the church are hard to come by unless you arrive right on time. As parents of a two year old and 3 month old we rarely made it to mass on time. Thus we often spent mass in the back with the other late comers. Most of them had little children too.

On one particular Sunday Hannah had to go potty during the Homily. Mary stayed with Grace while I took Hannah to find the bathroom.

The bathrooms at St. Agnes are located downstairs just off the big common room where we get the donuts after mass. Since she was still little I took her to the men's bathroom. What is the cut off age for girls to stop going to men's rooms and boys to stop going to the ladies room with their parents? Anyway, the men's room is very small. It has one urinal and one toilet.

Someone was using the toilet at the time, so we waited.

And waited.

Finally he opened the stall door. He skipped washing his hands and headed to the bathroom door to leave and head back upstairs to mass. Just as he was exiting the bathroom Hannah burst out "Daddy! Look! Why did that man use sooo much toilet paper?!?!?"

I tried to hush her, in order not to have a confrontation with the excessive toilet paper using, non-handwashing, fellow church goer. But she was right. That man had used far too much paper and clogged the toilet. And he didn't even try to flush! Apparently he either did not hear her or chose to ignore her comments - much like he chose not to wash his hands.

Hannah was complaining that she really needed to go badly so I had no choice but to take her to the ladies room. There was no way I was going to set her down on that toilet and that nasty mess.

While she sat on the impeccably clean potty in the ladies room she started grilling me on why that man had behaved he way he did. She was clearly fascinated by this and would not let it go. Why did that man use so much toilet paper? Why did he clog the toilet? Why didn't he flush and why didn't he wash his hands? I told her I didn't know why. Maybe his mommy and daddy never taught him proper bathroom etiquette when he was a little boy.

When we got back upstairs we joined Mary and Grace in the back of the church. Hannah immediately began to relay her latest bathroom experience to Mary. She said, in a voice that at the time I was sure everyone within twenty yards could hear, "Mommy, there was a man who used way too much toilet paper and clogged the potty! He didn't even wash his hands!"

And then she saw him. He was in the back of chuch with his family. Hannah pointed right at him and said "Mommy! Daddy! There he is! Do you think we should tell the priest!?!?!" I was mortified.

Thankfully, I do not think he heard her. Or maybe, again, he chose not to hear her. Either way now that we are at a new church we have a new rule. Everyone goes potty before leaving for mass.

We Should Tell The Priest

A Haiku for You

nothing is better
than a haiku for sharing
quick, deep, thoughts on life

A Haiku for You

Translation Please?

Part of the bedtime routine we have established for the girls includes a bedtime story. Each girl picks out a book and either Mary or I will read it to them.

Tonight Grace picked out a book titled "My First 500 Spanish Words - Mis Primeras 500 palabras en espanol". It was a gift from her Aunt Ann who lives in El Paso.

We're up for the girls learning Spanish, so we read a few pages. On page four there was a picture of a boy in a swimsuit with arrows pointing to various body parts and words in English and Spanish describing the body part. We learned nose=nariz, foot=pie, eye=ojo, and a few more. Grace would point to the body part and Mary would read both the English and Spanish word.

Hannah was listening while she danced around the room. She dances a lot. She interrupted the lesson to ask "do you know the Spanish word for vagina?" Without hesitation, Mary said "actually, yes, I do know the Spanish word for vagina. It is "vagina".

Next summer Mary and I are going to France for ten days. I wonder if Hannah will ask us when we get back home if we know how to say vagina in French.

Translation Please?

Kobe the superhero

Hannah made up this story.

Once there was a boy named Kobe.

Kobe wanted to be a superhero but he did not have a superhero costume. He decided to make one for himself. He went into his mom and dad's closets and got a bunch of old raggedy clothes that they would let him use. He cut pieces of different fabric and sewed them together to make his superhero costume.

One day he saw some people in trouble. He didn't have his superhero costume with him, but decided to help them anyway.

Kobe learned that you don't have to be a superhero or have a superhero costume to help people. You can do it anyway.

I am constantly amazed at what she comes up with.

Kobe the superhero

"Girly Shopping"

The local school district cancelled classes on Friday, so Hannah and I got to spend some quality time together all day. We went to get some "cheesy egg bagels" for breakfast at Einstein Brother's Bagels in Prairie Village. While we were eating Hannah suggested that since we had the day to spend together that she wanted me to take her "girly shopping".

I asked her if we could do some other kind of shopping, since "girly shopping" sounded to me like "girly shopping". No such luck. She suggested that we get her some water proof mittens (pink or purple with some girly design on them) and maybe a dress or two and some girly toys.

We found her some gloves. They were purple and very girly. I escaped without having to help her try on dresses or buy any girly toys. She was happy. In the end that's all that matters right? Dad and daughter bonding over decisions of which is better - pink or purple?

I asked her if we could go "manly shopping" sometime. She said no, just "girly shopping". I hope this is just a phase. I miss going to Home Depot. They sell girly gloves there don't they?

"Girly Shopping"